Did I?

I woke up at around 2-3am, to people screaming downstairs. I remembered thinking that I wanted to scream at them to 'SHUT UPPPPPP!' I don't know what happened next, but I woke up at 4 and I now I'm worried. I have no idea if I really screamed at them or it was just in my mind ahhhhhhhhh >______>

Hi!

Sooooooo. Hi guys!

And no. This is not another emo post.

After seeing people blogging on Dayre (a mini blogging platform), I tried it out last night. Aaaaand to be honest, I found it annoying. It was so hard to keep within the character limit, because well, you know how I like details. 500 characters? Boo. Some people might say that I can just start another entry, but I don't really want to keep breaking down my day into multiple entries. So here I am, because Dayre's made me miss blogging and I JUST CAN'T use it. (Also because I'm trying to prevent T from reading my previous posts, but that's another issue altogether heh.)

I'd love to update y'all about how I'm doing and how I'm coping with the course and how UK is and whatnot, but I've had such a great day that I'm just going to post about that. Here goes!

It didn't start off to great, though.  I woke up at 5, and I couldn't go back to sleep. I spent that whole hour debating with myself whether or not I would go for class. I do the same thing every Thursday, and I always come to the same conclusion. This week was no different. I decided that I just couldn't skip. No reason why, but I just couldn't.

I kept questioning that decision, though. All the way through prep and breakfast, I was still debating with myself whether or not I would go. I even got on the bus later than usual because I was insistent that I WILL enjoy my breakfast today. Surprisingly, even though I got the bus late, I still reached uni with about 25 minutes to spare. GREAAAAAAAAAT.

Went to my usual waiting spot, and waited. It was so empty, and I was thinking that everyone else must have skipped. After a while, Saara showed up and I told her how tempted I was to just skip class and head off to the library and study. SKIP CLASS AND HEAD OFF TO THE LIBRARY TO STUDY = LIFE OF A MEDICAL STUDENT. And then Neil showed up and ruined my plans. How could I leave now that he'd seen me? T_____T Hahaha but he wanted to skip too so we could have skipped together anyways :P We ended up going to class because well, we're good kids heh. Not before Neil decided to pull my shoelaces and bully me though >____> And when Lynn came up behind me and pulled my hair, I straightaway blamed Neil hehehe :P And he wonders why I don't like him.

Thankfully we didn't skip, though. Group work was really good, even though Peter and Sarah were mia! We continued where we left off last week, creating questions for the other groups to answer. That went well, I suppose. I still remember the first time we worked together, I wondered if we would ever be able to work well together. Heh. It was awkward back then. And now we really are doing well! I love group work with these guys, they're just amazing. (I may be prone to lying because T just found my blog fyi.) Anywaaaays, group work was fun. Not because of the work itself, but because we kept talking about random stuff! Bits and pieces of conversation would just pop up while we were working, which was distracting but well. Thursdays are for getting to know each other better ;)

During break, I ingeniously decided to mention blogging. Which led to T trying to find my blog. She typed in 'Jaslyn Ling blog' and she found Amirah's post about me. And then she somehow found my Blogger profile. Which then caused me to try and snatch her iPad away. She passed it to Neil, which then led to me trying to chase Neil down in our group study room. So not childish. So medical student-ish. So professional. I know. Eventually I just gave up and Neil read out the user description on the profile to the whole world. Something about the scent of old books and the sound of rushing rivers. Which he later on played on his iPad for me. Neil, Neil -____- They couldn't find my blog, though. I eventually just showed it to them anyways. It'll be better for me to show and forewarn them, rather than if they just stumble upon it one day.

After the break, Sarah cameeee! We swapped our questions around and our group was doing pretty well! Until the fire alarm went off. This time, T and Neil, having learnt their lesson from the previous fire alarm, packed all their stuff before they left. We had to gather at the meeting area, but it was freezing and the wind was blowing like craycray and based on our previous experience, we thought that we'd have to wait for about half an hour-so a few of us headed to Subway! :D THE WIND TODAY OHMAIGOSH IT WAS SO STRONG I BELIEVE I REALLY COULD HAVE FLOWN. We were in Subway for about 10 minutes when everyone was allowed back into MSB. Walking out from Subway was crazy.  The wind was blowing so hard, it was just pushing me forward. I couldn't even stop myself from moving >______> Oh and guess what Neil said about that? 'That's nothing, wait till February. It gets worse.' GREAT.

Back in our group work rooms, we attempted a few more questions before realising that Kee (our Clin Dem) wasn't coming back. Sooooooo, we left early hehehe :P We walked to the city for lunch. On the way, T, Lynn and  I were acting quite insane. We talked about following leaves, we jumped into piles of leaves, we tried to match each others' footsteps, and we talked in song :'D We looked absolutely ridiculous. At one point, the wind was blowing so strong, I jumped to see if I would fly. And I SWEAR, I did. I floated to the right. Hehehehe :3

Walking down New Walk 

Neil charging towards us & trying (unsuccessfully) to photobomb :P

We had lunch at Subway, where the 6 of us just squeezed into one tiny booth heh.

After lunch, Sarah and Farihah went back home, while Neil, T and Lynn accompanied me to get some stuff :) Then we had a leisurely walk to LRI. In the rain. In the cold. In the storm. SO FUN yawwww.

Got to LRI just in the nick of time. We were so happy when we reached, like 'WE SURVIVEDDDDD!' :P It was funny to see our tutor there before us though, cuz we were sort of joking about how he fell off his bike as he was cycling to our last session. What more with the wind, right? :P So yeah. Consultation Skills was great though. I was just really happy that I improved! :) The last time, I felt so bad after but this time, I felt I did better. Except that I was smiling inappropriately throughout the whole interview >_____> But I smile/giggle when I'm nervous! D: Other than that, everyone did really well and I learnt loads! :) Also, Sarah is so cute whenever she's nervous :3

Walked back to uni after that. Lynn and I were teasing T because one of her eyes had started to go red. And since we were just in Consultation Skills class, .. :P Lynn was planning to cycle home, but eventually decided to get the bus back after Neil, T and I nagged her. Because of that, she made us miss the bus. So we had to wait an extra 10 minutes. On the bus, we had cookies! And good music :)

T shy shy, ngeheheh. ;)

And that's the end of our little group 15 adventure.

Had dinner with our little group of Deaf People of  Lasdun (whom I will introduce you guys to soon. Actually I've yet to introduce you guys to anyone heh. Soon,soon.) It's Christine's birthday, so we decided that we were gonna surprise her after dinner. MJ pretended that he left something in her room, and then we barged in. The look on her face was priceless HAHAHAHA omgosh she was so scared :'D

She loved her gift! :)

I sort of took a whole series of reaction pictures (no idea why I didn't just take a video), but they weren't that clear sooooo.

We took more group pictures, but they're all in her lappy so, oh well.

Then we spent the rest of the night just playing truth or dare (just truths) and just talking. 'Twas really really good, I feel I know everyone so much better now! :)

I'm exhausted now, but I still have to do some revision. I just hope I don't fall asleep. More updates soon. Love y'all, and good night! :)

When you've had the best things in life, it's harder to stoop down a little lower and appreciate the lesser things, the things not as fine. 

Being here is difficult for me. That is probably the truest sentence I've said about the whole experience. Usually, I tell people I'm doing fine. To closer friends and family, I tell them how much I miss home, how much I miss them & how much I want to go home. It's hard to express exactly how I feel, because I've been feeling so much recently. 

Some days I wake up feeling extremely excited for the day. Some days I'm happy, I'm thankful that I'm here. Some I days I know I am loved. Some days I'm reminded that I'm here because God has a plan for me. Some days I look at the pictures on my wall and I smile, or laugh. Some days talking to friends and family is the best part of my day. Some days I go to bed content.

And then there are other days. Other days, I wake up feeling nothing but dread. Other days, I just feel.. sad. Other days, loneliness overwhelms me and I feel terribly homesick. Other days, I feel God isn't here- that maybe I disillusioned myself and this wasn't part of the plan after all. Other days, I get afraid that people who love me, now love me less. Other days, I look at the pictures on my wall and I cry. Other days, I cry for no reason at all. Other days, talking to friends and family upsets me - I wish I was there with them. Other days, I go to bed feeling completely and utterly alone. 

I say days, but in reality all these different emotions can happen in a single day. But for the ease of it, 'days' is how I put it. 

Some days I am strong enough to brave the world. Some days I just want to hide under the blankets and disappear. 

It's funny, because this is the type of person I was until '11. I thought that I'd changed, but now I wonder if I really did change at all. Was I just hiding behind a cover? 

I've just contemplated it, and I guess not. The past 2 years, I've been the best I am - completely and utterly happy, satisfied with life. People who know me would describe me as 'the bubbly one' (I'm not being perasan btw.) and I'm glad. I've been completely myself with those people, and it's amazing when people adore you for who you are. So no, I've not been pretending. Being thrust into a completely new environment has just thrown me off balance for a while. 

Surprise, surprise. I've strayed off topic. 

One of the main reasons I get this way is because of my friendships here. 

Back home, I have a bunch of amazing friends. Not just the Mafia Gang, but also my PM13 classmates, WIFI-JC CG, church friends, CF mates, the whole Taekwondo family, and some people who are difficult to categorise. Here, it's difficult to even make friends. I try, but it always seems to end awkwardly. People are different, their topics of conversation are different - it's hard to fit in. But that's not even the crux of matter. It's the friends that I've made that are. Like I've said earlier in this post, it's hard to appreciate the less fine things in life. Having such amazing friends back home, I put really high expectations on the friends I have here - expectations that they can't fulfil. So I end up being disappointed, over am over again. Then I realised today morning, that it's not them, it's me. It's unfair of me to place expectations on them, and realise how prideful I am to do so. I've basically set down guidelines on 'how you would act if you were my friend', thinking that I deserve such friendship. Ugh, so much pride. Everyone treats their friends differently, and just because their methods may be different  from what I'm used to, doesn't mean that they're bad friends or whatever. Besides, I've only known them for what, 2 months? 

I have friends, and it's important that I appreciate them for who they are, not what I want them to become. Maybe if I start doing that, I'll be happier here.