Life Lessons

Stepping stones to where you need to be.

*Picture stolen from Google

1. Learn to fight your own battles.
I've always been the type to shy away from any sort of confrontation. If an issue cropped out and the only way to fix it was to confront the other person, I'd rather hold it in and keep it within. It's become such a routine, pushing issues aside so as to not create an argument or so- I used to do it in my relationships, as well as my friendships. I guess the thing about 'solving' problems this way is that nothing is really solved- the unresolved issue hangs in the air and it can cause resentment to build up. One other thing  I do is I hide behind others- my friends, my family- and get them to solve things for me. Which really is pretty childish. Recently however, I've started letting myself confront issues and it's been going okay so far. I haven't ruined any friendships by letting myself be completely honest, which is what I've always been afraid of. I'm also starting to learn not to hide behind my friends- I'm a big girl now, I should be able to face my own demons. 

2. Your resolve may break, and that's okay.
Going to UK, I've done things I told myself I wouldn't do. For instance, I promised myself I wouldn't touch alcohol while I was there and well, fat chance of that now. To be honest, I don't regret it- most of our funnest nights in Leicester were our casual drinking nights. But that doesn't mean that I've completely forgotten the resolution. Instead, I've updated it a little- I know my limits and I try not to surpass that. I'm not saying that making excuses for breaking your resolutions is a good thing, but everyone makes mistakes, so learn from them. Fall once, fall twice, fall better (If I'm not mistaken this actually is a phrase). Learn to be okay with failing once in a while, don't beat yourself up about it, and move on.

3. People will hurt you, that doesn't mean you should hurt them back.
There's a verse in the bible that goes

You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.' But I say to you, do not resist an evil person, but whosoever slaps you on the right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. (Matthew 5:38-45) 

Fighting fire with fire never works, in the end both individuals will end up scathed. And well, that's how wars begin- do you really want your life to be a warzone? There are so many other ways to deal with people who've hurt you that don't involve exacting revenge - confrontation, avoidance, etc. With that, forgiveness. Forgiveness is difficult, but it's the only way to free not just them, but more importantly, yourself. Why would you keep all that resentment within when you can be free of it all? Remember that revenge is in God's hands, or well, that karma bites back. 

4. Sometimes, support is all you need.

At times, when you share your problems with someone, you seek advice. Other times, all you need is support. I believe, most people already know what they should do, they just need that little push for them to take that little step. It's not that advice and the occasional nagging doesn't help, sometimes we need that as well, but a small 'We believe in you' or 'We have your back no matter what' is worth so much more. This was particularly evident last Sunday morning when the mafias (xidiots- pending) were having our open talk. I've been dealing with something for quite a while now, and I knew what I had to do, but I couldn't convince myself it was the right thing to do. I was delaying and putting it off, because I just wasn't sure. But the support and love (puke puke) I got that night, that was my catalyst- I did what I had to do and things are improving. So now I'd just like to give a shout out to the people who've been my pillars - the mafias (lazy la wanna list one by one, y'all know who you are anyways), Jason Ling, Ching Siau Chian, Eugene Goh, Phoebe Tan, Zhia Lim, Jason Cheong, Ng Lean Loong. Sin Wai Kit. Thank you, thank you, thank you :')

5. If people want to leave, let them.

I've said this once before, 'People who really matter will fight not only to stay in your life, but to be part of it.' Friendship is a two way thing; there can't be only one person who's putting in effort while the other person doesn't bother. Why waste all your efforts if they aren't reciprocated? Sadly, you can't keep all the friends you have, so choose wisely- choose the people whom you know want you in their lives for better or for worse. I, for one, rather have few friends whom I know will fight for what we have, instead of many, many friends who can walk away just as easily as they entered. 

Maybe some people may disagree with whatever I've written, but that's okay. We can't always be right, I guess. But hey, I'm still learning; :)

It does get a little lonely sometimes.

Update:
Which is funny, because I know it's all in my head. 

Anthems

On the way back from Sunway, Jannah, Lynn & I decided each other's anthems hahahah. Jannah's is 'Hot & Cold' by Katy Perry, Lynn's was 'Chasing Pavements' by Adele, Evo's was her usual, 'Complicated' by Avril Lavigne & mine?

Girl powerrrrrrrrrrr! >:D


Update:
Lynn coincidentally just wrote a post about this topic as well, & in more detail. You can read more on her blog, here. 

Alternate Universes.

I met up with an ex-boyfriend the other day, and it triggered a whole series of thoughts on alternate universes. & before I begin, it's not what you're thinking *glares at my girls*. You see, in life we make so many decisions- some are really important, some less. Thing is, we never get to find out if we made the right decisions. What if, there was some way to could see into your many alternate universes? To see different scenarios for the decisions you didn't make at various different points in your life?

I don't know where I'm going with this, actually. It's merely a ramble.

I'd like to be able to see into those alternate universes, but I'm afraid of what I'll find. 

When Your Love Isn't Enough

Wrote this about a month ago, & I'm just gonna continue where I left off. 

Sometimes you may love someone with all of your being, and that still won't be enough. Love, unfortunately, is a two-way thing. You can't love your way into someone else's life, unfortunately. We have to stop thinking that we can win them over when it's clear that they don't feel the same way. We have to realise that when people say no, sometimes they really do mean no. 'No', is not a substitute for 'maybe if you try hard enough'. That's not how it works. It's not about what you do, it's not about you - it's about the other person & what they want, which in this case, is not you.

Once you've realised that, you're on the road to moving on. The next step, I guess, in my experience, is realising that you're worth more than a failed non-relationship, or a relationship, even. It's realising that your self-worth isn't dependent on someone else. It's also about knowing that if this isn't the person you're gonna end up with, there definitely is someone, somewhere who's looking & searching for you, exactly you. & all the heartbreaks you'll go through, will simply lead you a step closer to The One.

'Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded.' - The Holiday

Don't understand why I'm putting myself through this. Self-inflicted torture at it's best.

When I used to cut, I did it so the physical pain could mask the emotional pain I was feeling. With this problem I'm having with my eyes now, I realise how ridiculous that reason was. How you're feeling emotionally doesn't just disappear because of the physical pain. Instead, you now have two types of pain to deal with instead of one. It's stupid to think otherwise.

Ps. For those of you who don't know, yes, I used to self-harm. I'm not proud of it, but I've reached that point where I'm okay with admitting to it because it's something that I've learnt from. 

I can't even put into words, how exhausted I am.

Just too relatable.

Deep Conversations > Small Talk.

Found this on Tumblr & I just had to post this here cuz well, (a) this describes me to a tee, (b) this is my blog & (c) I want to. Heh. 

Tell me your secrets & I'll tell you mine. 

Dear you,

Some things may have been better left unsaid. Think before you speak, please. 

I was watching videos while having brunch today, when my mum suddenly FaceTimed me. When the connection was finally made, I saw my grandma's face for the first time after 6 months. The next 20 minutes was spent just talking to my grandma, my uncle, my aunt, my cousins (mostly trying to catch glimpses of them, but well.) It was bittersweet. On one hand, I was elated at being able to just see them again after months! While on the other hand, I felt so far away. I was there, yet I wasn't there. Those of you who're away from home, you'll get what I mean. I was halfway there, but not quite. You know. Hahahah. & seeing Joshua so grown up already, & he can even talk now ohmygosh- made me realise how much I've missed since I've been here. Sigh. The good news tho, is that Joshua recognises me! :D I knew Rachel would, but wasn't sure about Joshua. But he does yayyyy! Okay okay enough with sad talk. Gonna be back in another 79 days! :D can't wait ohmygoshhhhh :D :D

Reminiscing.

Some songs never fail to transport me to another time, another place, & this is one of them.

Cradlesong - Rob Thomas

With this song, he used to sing me to sleep. 

& I'm proud to say I'm finally at that place where I can look back at things like these & not feel any regret. Instead I'm thankful for all I've been through, because it's brought me to where I am today. 

Don't Fall In Love.

Don't fall in love. Don't fall in love with the way he smiles when he sees you, with the crinkles of his eyes. Don't fall in love with the shape his mouth makes when he whispers your name, or the sound that follows. Don't fall in love with the way he sleeps, or even the tousle of his hair in the mornings. Don't fall in love with his company, with the feeling of having him close to you. Don't fall in love with how he makes you feel- happiness mostly, but with a tinge of everything else. Just don't, don't - don't fall in love.

Don't fall in love at first sight.
Love at first sight, it's like buying a new blouse without trying it on. It may look good on the rack, but without trying it on, how would you know if it'd fit, if it suited you? In fact, I don't really believe in love at first sight- there are definitely some rare cases, but most of the time, it's mere infatuation. It's taking all your desires, your hopes and your idea of a dream guy, and placing them with the idea of him. All you know about him is the little that he's told you, and everything else is what you want him to be. Take a step back, re-evaluate. Infatuation, not love.

Don't fall in love with your best friend.
He's the person you're most comfortable with, and falling for him may seem like the perfect end to your friendship. No. You've the perfect relationship, why risk it for something that may not work out in the end? Remind yourself that if it all comes crumbling down, you'll not only lose a lover, you'll lose your best friend as well.

Don't fall in love with that bad boy.
There's something about bad boys which seems to attract us girls. Maybe it's the opposites-attract factor, where he's the bad to your good? Maybe it's because you think you can be the one that makes him change. It doesn't work that way. Your bad boy is likely to be stubborn, and changing him is out of your hands. He has to make that change himself. It will take time, and by the time that happens, he'll have hurt you. Hold back your feelings for him, only fall for him once he's changed.

Don't fall in love with someone who's already taken.
It's agonising, not knowing where you stand. You read into everything they say and do, and yet all you come up with is a sheet full of contradictory evidence. Here's a newsflash: He's not for you. Either a) he just wants you as a friend, or b) he's using you. Either way, keep your distance. There's a distinct possibility that c) he may feel a little something for you as well - but in that case, why would you want to be the third party who breaks up their relationship?

Don't fall in love with the boy who's too good for you.
His love for you is so .. up there that you can't ever reciprocate in the same way. You love him, but not as much. Give it up, for you'll only end up hurting him. An unbalanced relationship where one loves more than the other, it's not healthy. One of you will probably end up being hurt, and it's more likely to be the lover, not the loved.

Don't fall in love with someone far away.
LDRs are hard. They take up so much effort and they can drain you emotionally. They keep you up at night worrying, sometimes even wondering if all of it is worth it. Is it really?

But then again,
I am a paradox, and I contradict myself.

Fall in love.
Fall in love because it can be the most beautiful thing that's ever happened to you. Take the chance and let yourself fall, because he may be not just your 'happily ever after', but your 'to be continued'. Fall in love because he may be the exception to the rule.

Or even if it doesn't, fall in love because, well, apparently it is better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all.

5 Mins Speed Writing

Hiiii guys! I'm at SiauChian's place now & am gonna be staying here for the next 5 weeks. Yesh it's Easter break yayyyyy! Finally omg. I need a break. The weird thing is, it seems as though this term has passed so fast & omg I'm so close to going back! Omg omg omg. Fifi is so cute. Yep I brought Fifi with me hehehe. Had a drinking sesh with the Malaysians last night for Shao Ji's birthday. We were damn onz to go Shabang but that didn't happen- most of us got too wasted to go to Shabang. Oh welllllll. Idk, I feel like I've learnt to deal with alcohol? I drink a little but I try not to overdo it or use it to make myself feel better or stuff like that, get what I mean? Things are getting a bit confusing in my life right now, quite a few things that I've to figure out. Taking advice from friends but eventually have to make the decision myself- that's part of growing up I guess. Just scared about where my decisions will lead me. Gonna read The Fault in Our Stars later & may also watch Ice Princess with Siau Chian! :)

Yes,

I'm upset today.

Hey you,

I saw you today and my heart started racing, and I actually felt butterflies. I think I like you.


Wrong person, wrong time.

Speed Writing!

On the bus now ahhhh Monday classes. Woke up today at 6.30, and the sun was streaming brightly through my window. Sun. At 6.30? That's so normal, right? So I panicked, thinking I was late. Turns out that's how spring is gonna be apparently. Yes yes, spring is here! Flowers are blooming, and I can't wait for everything to be in full bloom! There's cherry blossom trees here too omg omg so pretty! Ah today's Sarah's birthday celebration so Lynn and I baked her a cheesecake yesterday! Hopefully it's good! *cross fingers* That's about the only thing I'm excited about today sigh. It's Membranes & Receptors today, which I immensely dislike ugh ugh

10 Perks of Being Short

(of being a short girl, more like.)

Being 5'0, height it something that I've always been insecure about. Growing up, I always wished I were taller. Heck, I still do sometimes. Tall people think they're superior than us shorties, hence all the short people jokes. Have you seen a short person making fun of a tall person? No? Exactly.

It wasn't until recently that I grew comfortable with my height, accepting it for what it is. In fact, I'm happy with my height & I wouldn't change it for the world well, being short does have it perks. So here I am, standing up for all my fun-sized buddies, retaliating against all you tall people ;)

10 Perks of Being Short

1. Never bumping your head.

Kitchen cabinets? Tree branches? Low doors & ceilings? While my taller friends have to stoop or risk getting a huge bump on their head, I can just walk underneath it with ease. 

This works as an advantage when playing Limbo as well ;)

2. Boyfriends

Generally, guys prefer girls who are shorter than them, right? I've heard my friends complaining about how that hot guy they have a crush on is shorter than them, or how it's hard for them to find dates because they're tall. Short girls? Everyone's taller than us- no problem.

3. Being looked after

People generally associate being short with helplessness, for some weird reason. Hence most people just want to take care of you. It can get quite annoying, especially if you view yourself as an independent person but well - use that disadvantage to your advantage! :) Besides, who doesn't like being taken care of? ;)

4. Short = cute

Major advantage. Shorties, sadly, we're never going to be as hot as those tall, long-legged women. BUT. Not all tall people are hot, but being short? It's a free pass into the Land of All Things Cute & Adorable. People will want to touch you. To hug you. To pet your head. To lift you off your feet. You get tons of affection just because you're short!

5. Looking young

When you're short, people usually think you younger than you really are. I'm 19 and people still mistake me for 14 years, 5 years younger than I really am :P Being short really does slow down the aging process, heh :D

6. Heels

I can wear heels without ever worrying about being too tall. 4 inch, 5 inch, you name it

7. Hide & Seek

When it comes down to Hide & Seek, I never lose ;) Being small, I can fit into nooks and crannies that most people won't even think of looking at. Cupboards, especially. Now if only I can find a way to zip up luggage bags from the insideeeeeee. 

8. Shelter

Need shelter from the scorching sun or wind? Just hide behind someone tall :P

9. Children's clothes

Not only clothes from the normal ladies section, or the petite section, I can even buy clothes from the kids' section! And trust me, some kids' clothes look even better than adults clothing! Plus, they're cheaper as well. Plus points woot woooooot.

10. Stability

Shorter people are technically more stable compared to taller people, because of our lower centre of gravity and all that. Don't take it from me tho, I'm generally clumsy heh heh.

& last but not least (I'm aware this is more than 10 already :P ),

Oh how I love being small. 

Disclaimer: This post was not meant to be an insult to be taller people. I'm merely speaking up for us shorties. If you take offense, boo you.