10 Things I've Learnt This Year

1. Home is a feeling, not just a place. You can have a physical home, but without the people you love and care about, it's merely an empty building.

2. I am stronger than I think I am. I always thought that I'd be completely and utterly lost without my family and friends. Yet I've been here 3 months, and I'm surviving. And what's more, I'm actually starting to enjoy myself.

3. With true friends, distance really doesn't matter. We're miles apart, but that bond can't be broken. When we get back together again, it'll be like nothing has changed.

4. Opening yourself up to more people doesn't mean that you're losing the bond you have with the friends you already have. 

5. Most of the things your parents say end up being true. I may have plenty of disagreements with my parents, but being here, I've learnt to see from their point of view and well, they're right.

6. It's okay to feel lonely sometimes, but the important thing is to pick yourself up and to know that you're actually not alone. 

7. It's always easier to stay within your comfort zone, but it's good to step out and well, make friends with the locals. Heh.

8. I'm not good with dealing with peer pressure.

9. Misery loves company. When you're feeling down, talk to someone. There will be people who are feeling the same way but are just waiting for someone to talk to.

10. Be optimistic. Be happy. 

Group 15.

Dayre is starting to get on my nerves. It's not uploading my posts -____- I'll just post here. 

Today was amazing! :) One of the best days I've had here so far, definitely.

We had a lecture in the morning about our ESAs, and well. They were depressing. And boring. Lynn and I were so bored that we iMessaged each other, talking nonsense during the lecture heh. I even iMessaged Leek and we ended up talking about poop. Eventually he told me that I disgust him ;( That's not a very nice thing to say >_____>

After the lecture, we had group work! Instead of our usual clin dems, we had Dr Hsu for our room today. Also, we had a Christmas quiz instead of group work :D And surprisingly, OUR GROUP WON! :D :D :D Guess what our winning answer was! :P

Testicular cancer.

Hehehehe. The question was 'What type of cancer is Father Christmas at risk of, given his profession?' Neil somehow figured that out, I have no idea how. He's the group genius, he is.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand our prize? *drumroll*

Chocolates! :D Well, 5 chocolates to be exact. Coincidentally, Peter and Sarah didn't come so it was a perfect fit for our group! :) Of course, being Group 15, we HAD to argue about who got first pick. 'You first!' 'No you first!' Typical Group 15 behaviour.

After that, we had our Secret Santa! The way we did it was hilarious. What we did was that we just threw our gifts under the table, used our feet to mix them up a bit, then we all crawled under the table to get the gifts :P HAHAHAHA SO CUTE RIGHT ;3 T and I didn't get our pressies tho, because well, our Santas were Peter and Sarah. Oh well. Lynn got a Disney soundtrack CD from Neil, Farihah got gloves from T, and Peter got a rugby ball from Farihah (but he doesn't know it yet). What about Neil, you ask? 

Neil got a penguin hat, a penguin plushie and some chocolates. From me ;) Hehehehe. It was so obvious tho. He opened it, instantly knew who it was from and went 'Pinguuuuuuuuuuuuu!' HE LOVED IT YAYYYYYYYY! :D Especially the cap, he kept showing it off ahhhhh. It makes me feel so happy, how much he likes it :) The joy of giving I guess?

Walked to Nando's for lunch after that. We managed to call Sarah, and she said that she'd meet us there. Peter, on the other hand, was too hungover to join us so yeaaaaah. I was disappointed but well. What can we do, right? But I digress.

Reached Nando's. I was debating with myself about which sauce to choose, because I didn't want to over-spicy myself and not enjoy my meal. Medium, hot, extra hot? Hmm. Or just my favourite, lemon and herb? Hmmm.  In the end I decided on lemon and herb- I could always just get the sauces from the counter anyways. Lynn and I planned to get different side dishes but that failed because we mixed up who's getting what -____- 

While waiting, Sarah gave T her gift. Apparently Sarah didn't know what to give T, but she ended up choosing the perfect gift: a beret for our artist! :) T looks so pretty here (actually she always does) ngeh. She's basically everything I wish I was: pretty, demure and ladylike :P But that's never gonna happen. C'est la vie, c'est la vie. 

And then Sarah opened her present. From Lynn! :) 

Lynn got her Twix, and if I'm not mistaken, a lotion-shampoo set. Sarah's response was so cute ohmygosh especially when she was trying to figure out who got it for her :P She's always so adorbs without even realising it ;)

And then our food arrived! 

THE MASH WAS SO GOOD.

The Asian at work. T had to take the photo multiple times because she was so distracted by the fact that I was taking a picture of her taking a picture of her food. Heh.

More pictures:

Yep you can see my beyootiful chicken. Farihah went 'Jas don't you want to take the food as well?' So yeaaah. 

Sarah, Farihah and a cutie pie ;)

Lynn, Neil and T :)

Afterwards, we all went our separate ways. #drama

We split up. Farihah and Sarah went home, T went back to uni. Neil, Lynn and I went to Primark because Lynn and Neil wanted to get Christmas jumpers. They were such quick shoppers. It was done within minutes. They even forced me to get one as well, even though I was already pokai >____> Grrrrrr.

Went back to halls and helped a friend propose to his medic wife. It's a lil hard to explain about the medic wife thing, so I won't even bother hehehe. Also, I won't be mentioning names because I'm not sure if they'll like it sooooo. Mr and Ms X. The plan was that I would somehow pull Ms X to the piano room, where Mr X would be playing the piano. And then he'd propose with a Haribo ring. So I called Ms X. She didn't pick up the first few times, and when she did,  I went into full drama mode heh. I told her I dropped my necklace in the piano room and  I couldn't find it, so could she pleaaaaaase come over and help? And then the bombshell. She was still in uni -____- That was a fail. But she said she was coming home anyways, so I didn't stop her. Mr X and I then waited for more than an hour. That's how unreliable the buses here are. Ms X didn't get the bus until almost an hour into the call. So Mr X and I took turns playing the piano (HE'S AMAZING FYI. And I'm just meh.) and talking. It was a really good conversation, for me at least :) Then Ms X came! I met her at the reception and pulled her to the piano room. And Mr X started playing the piano. But Ms X was blur so I had to pull/push her forward lulllllll. And then she just stood there going 'what's going on?' -_____- But anyways, the proposal was a success and she said yes! :D I apologised to her afterwards for panicking her tho, prolly shouldn't have done that :P

After that, I went for dinner with my fellow deaf Lasdunians. Food was the usual. I shall not even bother to elaborate more. It was good company tho, as usual. I love these people. WHY DO THEY HAVE TO LEAVE. 

On another note, I caught a certain someone's eye and I'm pretty sure he smiled at me. Or maybe it was just my imagination. Hm.

Went to Nadya's house after dinner to get my penguin hat (because Neil and I are gonna be penguin buddies tmrw!) and my lotion. My skin is dry D:

Met up with Neil at JoFo bus stop, and we headed off to uni again. We watched Lynn and The Muses perform, and they were amazing. Just amazing. Lynn was really good, and what more, she sang for me and Neil. I was just .. mesmerised. She has such a beautiful voice but she's so modest about it >_____> 

I think I'm going to join The Muses in Jan. Finally! :D

Waiting for the bus back to Oadby.

We were hanging out, waiting for the bus, when we saw Anlia, Sam, Darren, Alvin and Sue May. They came over and well, introductions were made yada yada yada.

Came back from uni and went straight to ASDA with Lucy. 

And now I'm back, writing this post. Twas a good day! :) Goodnight! :)

Did I?

I woke up at around 2-3am, to people screaming downstairs. I remembered thinking that I wanted to scream at them to 'SHUT UPPPPPP!' I don't know what happened next, but I woke up at 4 and I now I'm worried. I have no idea if I really screamed at them or it was just in my mind ahhhhhhhhh >______>

Hi!

Sooooooo. Hi guys!

And no. This is not another emo post.

After seeing people blogging on Dayre (a mini blogging platform), I tried it out last night. Aaaaand to be honest, I found it annoying. It was so hard to keep within the character limit, because well, you know how I like details. 500 characters? Boo. Some people might say that I can just start another entry, but I don't really want to keep breaking down my day into multiple entries. So here I am, because Dayre's made me miss blogging and I JUST CAN'T use it. (Also because I'm trying to prevent T from reading my previous posts, but that's another issue altogether heh.)

I'd love to update y'all about how I'm doing and how I'm coping with the course and how UK is and whatnot, but I've had such a great day that I'm just going to post about that. Here goes!

It didn't start off to great, though.  I woke up at 5, and I couldn't go back to sleep. I spent that whole hour debating with myself whether or not I would go for class. I do the same thing every Thursday, and I always come to the same conclusion. This week was no different. I decided that I just couldn't skip. No reason why, but I just couldn't.

I kept questioning that decision, though. All the way through prep and breakfast, I was still debating with myself whether or not I would go. I even got on the bus later than usual because I was insistent that I WILL enjoy my breakfast today. Surprisingly, even though I got the bus late, I still reached uni with about 25 minutes to spare. GREAAAAAAAAAT.

Went to my usual waiting spot, and waited. It was so empty, and I was thinking that everyone else must have skipped. After a while, Saara showed up and I told her how tempted I was to just skip class and head off to the library and study. SKIP CLASS AND HEAD OFF TO THE LIBRARY TO STUDY = LIFE OF A MEDICAL STUDENT. And then Neil showed up and ruined my plans. How could I leave now that he'd seen me? T_____T Hahaha but he wanted to skip too so we could have skipped together anyways :P We ended up going to class because well, we're good kids heh. Not before Neil decided to pull my shoelaces and bully me though >____> And when Lynn came up behind me and pulled my hair, I straightaway blamed Neil hehehe :P And he wonders why I don't like him.

Thankfully we didn't skip, though. Group work was really good, even though Peter and Sarah were mia! We continued where we left off last week, creating questions for the other groups to answer. That went well, I suppose. I still remember the first time we worked together, I wondered if we would ever be able to work well together. Heh. It was awkward back then. And now we really are doing well! I love group work with these guys, they're just amazing. (I may be prone to lying because T just found my blog fyi.) Anywaaaays, group work was fun. Not because of the work itself, but because we kept talking about random stuff! Bits and pieces of conversation would just pop up while we were working, which was distracting but well. Thursdays are for getting to know each other better ;)

During break, I ingeniously decided to mention blogging. Which led to T trying to find my blog. She typed in 'Jaslyn Ling blog' and she found Amirah's post about me. And then she somehow found my Blogger profile. Which then caused me to try and snatch her iPad away. She passed it to Neil, which then led to me trying to chase Neil down in our group study room. So not childish. So medical student-ish. So professional. I know. Eventually I just gave up and Neil read out the user description on the profile to the whole world. Something about the scent of old books and the sound of rushing rivers. Which he later on played on his iPad for me. Neil, Neil -____- They couldn't find my blog, though. I eventually just showed it to them anyways. It'll be better for me to show and forewarn them, rather than if they just stumble upon it one day.

After the break, Sarah cameeee! We swapped our questions around and our group was doing pretty well! Until the fire alarm went off. This time, T and Neil, having learnt their lesson from the previous fire alarm, packed all their stuff before they left. We had to gather at the meeting area, but it was freezing and the wind was blowing like craycray and based on our previous experience, we thought that we'd have to wait for about half an hour-so a few of us headed to Subway! :D THE WIND TODAY OHMAIGOSH IT WAS SO STRONG I BELIEVE I REALLY COULD HAVE FLOWN. We were in Subway for about 10 minutes when everyone was allowed back into MSB. Walking out from Subway was crazy.  The wind was blowing so hard, it was just pushing me forward. I couldn't even stop myself from moving >______> Oh and guess what Neil said about that? 'That's nothing, wait till February. It gets worse.' GREAT.

Back in our group work rooms, we attempted a few more questions before realising that Kee (our Clin Dem) wasn't coming back. Sooooooo, we left early hehehe :P We walked to the city for lunch. On the way, T, Lynn and  I were acting quite insane. We talked about following leaves, we jumped into piles of leaves, we tried to match each others' footsteps, and we talked in song :'D We looked absolutely ridiculous. At one point, the wind was blowing so strong, I jumped to see if I would fly. And I SWEAR, I did. I floated to the right. Hehehehe :3

Walking down New Walk 

Neil charging towards us & trying (unsuccessfully) to photobomb :P

We had lunch at Subway, where the 6 of us just squeezed into one tiny booth heh.

After lunch, Sarah and Farihah went back home, while Neil, T and Lynn accompanied me to get some stuff :) Then we had a leisurely walk to LRI. In the rain. In the cold. In the storm. SO FUN yawwww.

Got to LRI just in the nick of time. We were so happy when we reached, like 'WE SURVIVEDDDDD!' :P It was funny to see our tutor there before us though, cuz we were sort of joking about how he fell off his bike as he was cycling to our last session. What more with the wind, right? :P So yeah. Consultation Skills was great though. I was just really happy that I improved! :) The last time, I felt so bad after but this time, I felt I did better. Except that I was smiling inappropriately throughout the whole interview >_____> But I smile/giggle when I'm nervous! D: Other than that, everyone did really well and I learnt loads! :) Also, Sarah is so cute whenever she's nervous :3

Walked back to uni after that. Lynn and I were teasing T because one of her eyes had started to go red. And since we were just in Consultation Skills class, .. :P Lynn was planning to cycle home, but eventually decided to get the bus back after Neil, T and I nagged her. Because of that, she made us miss the bus. So we had to wait an extra 10 minutes. On the bus, we had cookies! And good music :)

T shy shy, ngeheheh. ;)

And that's the end of our little group 15 adventure.

Had dinner with our little group of Deaf People of  Lasdun (whom I will introduce you guys to soon. Actually I've yet to introduce you guys to anyone heh. Soon,soon.) It's Christine's birthday, so we decided that we were gonna surprise her after dinner. MJ pretended that he left something in her room, and then we barged in. The look on her face was priceless HAHAHAHA omgosh she was so scared :'D

She loved her gift! :)

I sort of took a whole series of reaction pictures (no idea why I didn't just take a video), but they weren't that clear sooooo.

We took more group pictures, but they're all in her lappy so, oh well.

Then we spent the rest of the night just playing truth or dare (just truths) and just talking. 'Twas really really good, I feel I know everyone so much better now! :)

I'm exhausted now, but I still have to do some revision. I just hope I don't fall asleep. More updates soon. Love y'all, and good night! :)

When you've had the best things in life, it's harder to stoop down a little lower and appreciate the lesser things, the things not as fine. 

Being here is difficult for me. That is probably the truest sentence I've said about the whole experience. Usually, I tell people I'm doing fine. To closer friends and family, I tell them how much I miss home, how much I miss them & how much I want to go home. It's hard to express exactly how I feel, because I've been feeling so much recently. 

Some days I wake up feeling extremely excited for the day. Some days I'm happy, I'm thankful that I'm here. Some I days I know I am loved. Some days I'm reminded that I'm here because God has a plan for me. Some days I look at the pictures on my wall and I smile, or laugh. Some days talking to friends and family is the best part of my day. Some days I go to bed content.

And then there are other days. Other days, I wake up feeling nothing but dread. Other days, I just feel.. sad. Other days, loneliness overwhelms me and I feel terribly homesick. Other days, I feel God isn't here- that maybe I disillusioned myself and this wasn't part of the plan after all. Other days, I get afraid that people who love me, now love me less. Other days, I look at the pictures on my wall and I cry. Other days, I cry for no reason at all. Other days, talking to friends and family upsets me - I wish I was there with them. Other days, I go to bed feeling completely and utterly alone. 

I say days, but in reality all these different emotions can happen in a single day. But for the ease of it, 'days' is how I put it. 

Some days I am strong enough to brave the world. Some days I just want to hide under the blankets and disappear. 

It's funny, because this is the type of person I was until '11. I thought that I'd changed, but now I wonder if I really did change at all. Was I just hiding behind a cover? 

I've just contemplated it, and I guess not. The past 2 years, I've been the best I am - completely and utterly happy, satisfied with life. People who know me would describe me as 'the bubbly one' (I'm not being perasan btw.) and I'm glad. I've been completely myself with those people, and it's amazing when people adore you for who you are. So no, I've not been pretending. Being thrust into a completely new environment has just thrown me off balance for a while. 

Surprise, surprise. I've strayed off topic. 

One of the main reasons I get this way is because of my friendships here. 

Back home, I have a bunch of amazing friends. Not just the Mafia Gang, but also my PM13 classmates, WIFI-JC CG, church friends, CF mates, the whole Taekwondo family, and some people who are difficult to categorise. Here, it's difficult to even make friends. I try, but it always seems to end awkwardly. People are different, their topics of conversation are different - it's hard to fit in. But that's not even the crux of matter. It's the friends that I've made that are. Like I've said earlier in this post, it's hard to appreciate the less fine things in life. Having such amazing friends back home, I put really high expectations on the friends I have here - expectations that they can't fulfil. So I end up being disappointed, over am over again. Then I realised today morning, that it's not them, it's me. It's unfair of me to place expectations on them, and realise how prideful I am to do so. I've basically set down guidelines on 'how you would act if you were my friend', thinking that I deserve such friendship. Ugh, so much pride. Everyone treats their friends differently, and just because their methods may be different  from what I'm used to, doesn't mean that they're bad friends or whatever. Besides, I've only known them for what, 2 months? 

I have friends, and it's important that I appreciate them for who they are, not what I want them to become. Maybe if I start doing that, I'll be happier here. 

That Dark Place.

Everyone's friend, and yet friendless. There's a difference, did you know?

Homesick.
What would I give for the company of the people I love right now.

Rain rain go away,

If the news and weather forecasts are to be believed, a huge storm is going to hit UK tomorrow, the worst storm UK's going to have in years. Oh and apparently there'll be a hurricane as well.

Juuuust in case anything happens (being alone does get you thinking), I love all of you! 

Letters.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

My First Ever Clubbing Experience.

I was talking to Sehran just now and he's the reason I'm writing this right now. I'm not proud of this, not one bit, but I'm going to let this be a reminder to myself.

Just a little background knowledge: Every Friday, Leicester University's Student Union throws a night called 'Shabang', which is basically a night of partying and drinking.

People have been trying to get me to go out for Freshers Events but I haven't been to any because they're all drinking events. Not my scene, so I've never gone. On Friday, during lectures, Siau Chian and Vei Lynn were talking about Shabang and trying to persuade me to go. I repeatedly declined. That night, us Malaysians were having a pizza party and everyone started talking about Shabang again. Everyone was going, and they kept persuading me to go, and eventually I gave in. I thought to myself, 'If I'm ever going to try it once, it would probably be best to go with the Malaysians anyways'. So yeah, I gave in and I went.

Waiting for the bus in my dress (with the wind blowing like craycray - HOW ON EARTH ARE THE GIRLS NOT FREEZING TO DEATH), I wanted to run back in my room and just hide there for the rest of the night. But Vei Lynn had already bought my ticket (5poundsomg) so I decided to just go through with it. We reached the O2, and the first thing everyone did was to buy themselves a drink. I just sat there awkwardly, until one of my friends told me to try her drink. It had very low alcohol content, she said. So I tried it, and indeed it tasted just like juice. Normal juice. Watching everyone drinking and you're all alone not drinking, peer pressure really gets to you. (I finally understand peer pressure.) After a while I got myself the same drink she offered to me.

We sat talking for a bit, and by then I had finished the whole bottle. That was maybe an hour into the night? I stood up and immediately I started feeling woozy.  I knew that feeling so well, from Taekwondo classes. And  I knew what was coming. I sat down and they got me a drink. It helped, but I wanted to go out and get some air. Those of you who know me well, know that I'm always such a klutz, even when I'm having a normal day. Climbing up the stairs, I nearly tripped and fell. Good job Jas. The moment I reached the top of the stairs (we were still in the O2 btw) I collapsed onto the floor and puked my guts out. Repeatedly. It was not a pretty sight.

My friends volunteered to go back with me, but I felt bad so I decided to stay with them. After a while, I felt better and joined them on the dance floor. One of the girls was wearing high-heeled boots. She was so drunk, she stomped on my foot. It hurt. Like mad. I thought it was just pain, though. Until my feet started feeling really sticky so I sat down. Jason used his phone's flashlight to help me take a look at it, and it was bleeding like mad. My whole foot was covered with blood. They got some ice for me, and I went to the toilet to clear it up. The blood wouldn't stop flowing, though. I had to wrap it up with some tissue, and then I went back out again.

After a while, it stopped hurting and I joined my friends dancing around our table again. It's pretty interesting being one of the only sober people in the whole club, because you can really see how ridiculous people can be when they're drunk. It's very ... eye-opening, to say the least.

We went back at about 2.30am, and to be completely honest, I had fun.

I told my parents about it when I got home, because I didn't want them to find out through other means such as Facebook. They weren't mad though, they were surprisingly calm and said that they understood.

So I really wasn't feeling too bad. And then I did something really stupid - I posted a picture of it on Instagram. I don't know what I was thinking, it was as though I was so proud of that night or something.

Then a friend of mine saw it and Facetime-d me. He didn't exactly nag me or anything, but we really talked and after that it really dawned on me that I'd done wrong. That even though my parents said it was okay, I'm pretty sure they were disappointed in me. I'm sure they'd expected more from me. And most of all, I broke my principles and I let myself down. I came to UK telling myself that I'd come back in 5 years, proud that I hadn't drank a drop of alcohol or stepped foot into a club. And I'd done both those actions in one night.

It's not a good place to be, knowing that you're changing into someone you'd never thought you'd become.

Lesson learned.

PS: Those of you reading this, pleasepleaseplease don't be mad at me & start yelling at me :( I know what I've made a mistake, and I'll never, ever, do it again.

Strength.

It's been almost a month since I've been here in UK, since I said goodbye to my family and friends. It's been 3 weeks since I've started university, 3 weeks since I said goodbye to daddy and watched him walk away. It's been only 3 weeks, and yet it feels like years have passed. Every day I wake up and it hits me how I'm not in the familiarity of my room. Every day, I strike out days on the calendar, counting down the days till I'll be home.

Back in Form 5, going to university in the UK was such a faraway dream. I wanted to be able to study in UK so badly, at times it was the only thing that kept me going, kept me studying and working my butt off. Getting my results, knowing I was FINALLY heading off to UK, that was one of the best feelings I've ever experienced. 

And now I'm here. Ask me now, how I feel about being here and I'd give you a completely different answer from what you expected. Form-5-Jas would be so disappointed. There are days when I wonder why I was so desperate to be here in the first place. There are days when I wish I stayed back in Malaysia. Things aren't (too) bad, I guess. Apart from housemates who can't seem to keep the noise down and who don't seem to value cleanliness, the horrible weather (it's been raining almost non-stop for 4 days now), the difficulty in making friends, the vast difference in culture, and the bland food, everything is just fine. I'm not exaggerating, fyi. I wouldn't say things are bad, it's just loaaaaads different, and it's quite hard to take in. 

I wasn't expecting making friends to be this difficult, too. When I imagined being here, I expected myself to have loads of British friends. I told myself I wasn't going to be one of those people who only stuck with Asians. HAHAHAHA HOW WRONG I WAS. I'm now sticking to my Asian (Malaysian) friends like paper and glue. Trust me, I've tried hanging out with all the Brits, but we can't seem to 'click'. Probably because they have different topics of conversation from what we Asians do, I guess? I don't know, but there just isn't an ease of conversation. 

I miss the mafias and how comfortable I feel around them. 

BUT

One thing I've learned from this past month is that I'm actually stronger than I think I am. Apart from the night that daddy left, I haven't cried while I've been here. I used to be such a crybaby, crying over every small little thing. And now I'm here all alone, and nope, no tears. It was just that once. I guess I've grown up a little? I still feel miserable and really frustrated once in a while, but I've learnt not to fret over it too much. And for now, at least, I know I'm not going to break down one day and decide to just quit the whole course and go home, which was one of my main worries. I know I can get through this if I keep looking forward. 

Things may be difficult, 

I will miss everyone back home,

And I definitely can't help feeling homesick ;

But I will survive this first year and the years to come! :) 

I woke up today feeling alone.

I'm here. It's still phenomenal.

Separation Anxiety?

It's tomorrow.

In two days' time, I'll wake up in a completely different room, and it'll be another 9 months till I wake up in my own room once again.

I know it may not seem that I'm excited about leaving, but trust me, I am. Some people who really want to go but for some reason, aren't going, may think that it's such a waste that I got the chance to go instead of them - they're more excited to go. I know, because that's how I used to think. Shame on me, gr. Truthfully, I AM excited. It's just that excitement is overshadowed by many other emotions, mainly loneliness and sadness at leaving.

I've been going through the motions of leaving, but it's never really hit me the way it did. In the past few days, I've said many 'see you soon's, and each one hurt a little more than the last.

Why am I even leaving?

I've a beautiful family and such amazing friends. It really makes you dig deep, wondering if you're crazy to leave all this stability behind, to go to some completely foreign area ten thousands of kilometres away.

And speaking of friends, (Sehran will kill me for this), what I have ever done to deserve such amazing friends?

Throughout my life, I've been blessed with many, many great friends. But nothing, and I mean nothing, can ever replace the mafia gang. They've been my rock(s) through many tough times, and the way the know me inside and out, no one can else can ever do that.

Which was why it was so hard to see them for what we knew would be our last for another 9 months. By them, I mean

Leek,

Hari,

and Sehran. 

It broke my heart, seeing them leave. After Sehran went off I just couldn't stop crying, what more when I read the scrapbook he made me. Frigging sad

Can't wait for tmrw, for that new start. And at the same time, I just want time to slow down. 

I don't know how to end this. 

It's been a busy two weeks! Just a short update on some eventful stuffs :)

Went for a short outing at Tropicana City Mall with Sarah, to spend time with her before she left :) It was so near to her house and yet we managed to get lost because she kept telling me to turn left :P We kept talking non-stop, we forgot to camwhore and only remembered riiiiight at the very end!

Sarah and Hao Yen left! :(

Teman-ed Shman to Empire to meet one of KFung's lecturers. The meetup ended at 6pm, and it was a Friday so Shman and I bought ice cream for the traffic-jam-car-ride home :)

With 2 more weeks left, I decided to start packing just now. I grabbed a luggage bag, laid it on the floor, unzipped it, and then just sat on my bed staring at it, thoughts rushing through my mind.

How do you pack up your whole life into one bag? Where do you start? How do you decide what to bring, and what to leave behind?

Logically I'd start with my clothes, but then I'll be living out of my luggage bag for the next two weeks. Or I could pack other stuff. The essentials. Which I haven't bought yet. Then maybe just stuff I want to bring, then? But what stuff? Do I bring my storybooks? Do I bring sentimental stuff, like gifts that people have given me? What exactly do I bring, and what don't  I bring?

Maybe it's too early to start packing. Gr.

First Goodbyes;

In life, there's a time and season for everything. As of today, it's the season of partings.

A few days ago, KFung wasn't even sure of whether he would be going to Singapore this year. On Monday evening, he received his offer letter. And today, Thursday morning, he left.

It all happened too fast. Waaaaay too fast. I didn't really register what was happening until I stood in his living room at 6.15 today morning watching him pack and load his bags into his car. And even then I didn't feel too bad. I was still thinking 'Just Singapore whuuuut. Got Skype and FB and Whatsapp and all'. Also partly because his dad gave us corn to munch on. It's hard to feel sad when you're eating kays. And also because Lynn Shman and Leek were being their usual silly selves. So yeah the feel wasn't there.

Not even when we hugged him goodbye, or watched his dad's car leave, or even after that when we went for breakfast and all together. Nope. It only hit me when I was in the car, alone, on the way to Sarah's house. I was speeding on the highway, when all those feelings just .. ATTACKED. I felt like I just got hit by a ton of bricks, and I was feeling so deflated the rest of the way. Because I just realized.

I have no idea when I'm going to see him again.

Really, no idea.

Before he left I told him, 'see you soon!' but really, what is 'soon'? Hopefully next month, if he comes back before I leave, but who really knows?

Okay. I need to get a grip. Honestly the main root of the issue now isn't that others are leaving. It's that I'm leaving. To somewhere really far away. If the issue really was about people leaving, I would have been this upset as well when Sehran went to Pekan and Hari went to Kedah.  But nope, I wasn't upset. Because we were still close. And they could come back almost anytime (sort of.) And when I really missed them I could just beg them to come back, and they would sometimes. But when I'm in UK, what do I do? Beg them to come over? Yeah right.

Dang weh.

I know there's still Skype and wtv else social network, but it's so .. impersonal. Shaun puts it best, so I'm just gonna quote Shaun heheh.

'Honestly, I hate Skyping with you. In terms of intimacy, it has less than zero quality. Talking to you on a computer screen will never ever surpass the act of ringing your doorbell and peeping through the slits of your wooden gate just to catch the first sight of you unlocking your door.'

Replace the last part of the last sentence with '... and seeing you. And being in your presence.' Yeah, that's it. What I'll miss is their presence.



Whether I like it or not, this has to happen. It IS happening, and I've got to learn to accept it, and enjoy the experience. Truth be told I'm excited as well. And worried. And nervous. Basically having loads of mixed feelings.

But well, as Leek said, 'That's life.'

Besides, it's not the end. :)

And with that, there's just one month to go.

Just a small update on some eventful happenings! :)

9th Aug
Raya open house at Jannah's! :)

Mr Vroege came :P 

You can read Jannah's experience here ;)

And so she had to leave us to fend for ourselvessss. Which led to the 'kuih lapis' incident. Lynn took a bite of her kuih lapis and started making a fuss in front of Jannah's mum. And Luqman. So to save her, I went 'let me tryyyyy!' and ended up suffering myself. (You're welcome, Lynn :P ) And then since there were leftovers, we played the finger game which daddy taught me. Ended up Evo and I got both the kuih lapis. FAIL -____- 

Do ignore the fact that Voe and I both look quite horrid here :(

10th Aug

PM13 gathering at Pammy's! :)

It was a steamboat dinner, so Pammy's mum actually expected the girls to prepare all the stuff. Instead us girls sat and talked, and in the end the guys settled everything :P Since they were our maids for the day, we gave them maids names! Shao Ji became 'Maria', and Larry became 'Yanti'. We couldn't come up with Keven's name, tho. Oh and Mr Leong joined us as well :)

What would PM13 be without pictures, right?

Kejia brought wine, and then we played this game. Each person would get a card, and you had to put it on your forehead so you wouldn't know what card you got.

Like this.

Basically, if you had the smallest card (based on choi dai di), you'd lose. We had to go in a circle, and each person had to choose whether they wanted to change their card, or add some wine into a glass. The loser would have to drink all the wine in one shot.

As you can see, Larry had the 3 of clubs. Getting a card lower than his was quite impossible lah, so all of us very confidently poured more and more wine into the glass. In the end,

Then it was the second round. I quit cuz I didn't want to drink heheh :S Went to talk to Mr Leong instead. The rest continued and this time, Hui Wen lost. Afterwards we went in for Dance Central! :) OH AND MR LEONG DANCED.

Thennnnn. We went to take pictures! :)

Then we celebrated Chia Xin's birthday! :)

And thennnn I had to leaveeee :( Hopefully this isn't the last time I'll see all of them!

13th Aug

Resultssss!

And then at night, Lynn and Shman dropped by! :)

I was quiiiite rich at first lah, but then idk what I was thinking- I kept putting out action cards without really reading what they would do -___- and then I started losing $$. And when I tried to get back cash and properties from them both, I got 'Just Say No'-ed. 3 times in a row. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

14th Aug

Kylie's farewell D: 

Because most of us hated it. And Dinah suggested to take pictures of all our reactions >_____>

KAAAAI - LEEEE - KU - AHHHHH

Yep. I very drama :P

15th Aug

TB test with Leek! Got stuck in the jam in the morn, yayerzzzz. When we reached,  Leek decided to ignore the 'staff only!' sign on the lift. Because of that, we had to be escorted out to the registration place -____- freak.

Bumped into Karti and Henry. Registration was a pain. Any mistake we made, we had to redo all over again on a new piece of paper. Which cost RM 1. 

Went upstairs where Leek took 2 extra tickets for Karti and Henry. Which he didn't pass to them so .. wasted. Sort of. Henry passed them to other peopleeee.

Completed TB test in an hour cuz we were early! Then went for breakfast at Old Town. Then went back home and sat outside Leek's house talking for an hour. Petrol free one mah.

Oh and also, offer turned unconditional! :)

16th Aug

Shopped with Shman at SCM! :) 

Got myself some stuff for UK, yayyy! :) All from H&M wootz :D

17th Aug

Sekolah High production! :)

I nearly got Best Dressed! :)

19th Aug

Dropped by Hao Yen's house to pick up Jayhan's phone which he left in Hao Yen's car, and ended up talking to him outside his house for an hour. We had so many things to catch up on, we kept going on and on and on. Couldn't stop :P And since he's never taken a photo in the rain beforeeeee,

We took one in the rain :D What a contrast to the picture Shman and I took heheheh.

And KF got accepted into NTU! :)

.....................................................................................

With one more month left to go, I'm getting very sentimental about Malaysian things. I've been saying stuff like, 'this might be the last ... I'm ever going to have' etc etc. Which is honestly quite depressing la -___-

Anyways,

#preukmalaysianadventures

Roasted chicken rice! :)

DURIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN

Pan mee

Ba ku teh :'(

Pasar malammmm :D

Really really busy these few weeks to come. Many things to settle. Will update when I have the time :) Meanwhile, I needa make a list of all the Malaysian food I wanna eat before I leave. 

Till next time! :)