Kiddies! :D :D :D

These lil kiddies in Taekwondo, they're the main reason why I've chosen pediatrics. They're so easy to please, so cute so adorable, so innocent (well, some.) and the way I know they love me as much as I love them is just so ... :') Some of them, I've even watched them grow over 4 years :') Because of them, they made me realize how much  I adore and love lil kids and so I chose pediatrics! Gotta thank them when I'm a successful pediatrician next time :)

Some pictures of my lil kiddies;

Andersalston & Hazim

Hakim & Andersalston

Tasha, lil miss gorgeous ;)

Darvish & Iman 

Iman so cute omgoshhhhhhhhhhhhhh ♥

Imran & Iman

CUTEST SIBLINGS EVERRRRRRRRRRRR ♥

Chun Hao

All of 'em lil kiddies

Chun Hao, Chun Fei & Danish

Aman ♥

(ignoring the adults) Hazeem, Mifzal, Raven, Mukrish

Mifzal, my partner in crime for 4 years! :D

Ahh I love my kiddies! ♥

*cough*pedobearalert*cough*

Tangled, :)

I finally, FINALLY watched Tangled. Regret not watching it earlier T_____T

And now, I sheepishly admit that I've a huge crush on ...

Flynn Rider, an animated character. Just great :'D And I just spammed y'all with a spam of his exquisite looks. I HAVE NO SHAME.

I end with this ^ . 

Some people come in our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints in our hearts; and we are never, ever the same. 

Lying down on my bed thinking of the conversation I just had with K Fung. And as usual, when thoughts of the gang come to mind, there'll just be this mix of emotions. And this time, I need to pen them down. (so much for 'pen', eh?)

Distance.

Not physical distance, but - distance. I think you'll get what I mean. It's been a year since high school ended for us, and so many things have changed since then. 

There's something really true about that quote up there. Truly, some leave footprints in our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. Some also leave something else; a hole only they can fill. For me at least. I've met so many new people this year, but truly there's always this loneliness that only they can cure. There's a room for Jannah's biting sarcasm, a room for KF's constant insults, a room for Sehran's annoyingness, even a room for Hari's constant stationery-stealing. Absence really does make the heart fonder. It's in this year that I've realised how much I really, really adore them (I can't make myself type the L word :P ). It's also this year that I've realised that the most annoying habits, the things I thought I'd never miss, would be the things that I'd miss the most - because they're the epitome of who each and everyone of them are; the memories of them that I hold dearest. 

Truth be told, there've been times when I wondered if our best-friendship was lopsided. Was it something that only I, or a few of us felt? They were my best friends, but was I that to them? Funnily enough, this year also helped me clear my doubts. Maybe it's because .. we may not spend time together anymore, heck, we don't even talk to each other that much anymore - compared to the past two years, when I think we spent most of our time in each other's company. It's the way we cling to each other, I guess. I don't know how else to describe it. It's the sincere 'I miss you-s' from people I thought I'd never hear that from. Perhaps it's the way we easily fall back into our habits whenever we're together. No one would ever have thought that we hadn't seen each other in ages, the way we go about it. Or maybe, it's the way I feel whenever I'm back with them - it's something that no other people can make me feel. Like I'm home. 

Someone (Pn Zamilah) once told me, 'you'll only know if a friendship is real if you go through the worst of times, and are still together'. We've had our ups, we've had our lows. But since we're still together, ;)

Another thing KF said really hit me. Being ready for the time that we'll grow apart. I don't think I'm ready, don't think I'll ever be. How can I ever be ready to move on from the people who've been the best parts of my life? 

We better make this work.

We better. 

Or some a-holes are going to get it from me >______> 

To think, the last time we were all together was the bbq last year. At least, that's what the pictures suggest. I can't seem to remember when it was last. 

MUMMY AND DADDY ARE BACK HOME! :D

Yesterday, I reached home to find daddy's car not parked at its usual spot, and immediately I thought it was stolen (It didn't occur to me that my parents would be back, because they said they'd only be back on Friday.) So yeaaaaah, half panicking, I went into the house and shrieked at Jason to open the door (my hands were full) and when the door opened, THERE STOOD .. MY MUMMMMMM! :D I hurled (literally) everything onto the floor and just gave her hug after hug after hug after hug. Same for my dad when he came home. Ahhhhhhhhhh ♥. I really have no idea how I'm going to survive being apart from them now -.- 

Anyways, I'm just gonna sum up the rest of the week in pictures. Here goes! :D

Sudden emo thought;

I never liked feeling left out.

More Than Just Friends?

I've always believed that good relationships would stem from friendships.
But here's the big question - What if you fell in love with your best friend?

(Mind you, this isn't a personal situation. I know what popped into your minds >____> ) This suddenly occurred to me while waiting for Shman as he had his haircut just now, after a super awkward situation that seemingly, always occurs with us. Which just got me thinking. So here I am, supposed to study for Physics tomorrow, but bits and pieces of words keep popping up in my head, and I just have to pen them down. Thoughts.

Maybe if it's a good piece of work, I'll post it up later. We'll see :)

Today,  Ms Ho told us that PM1/PM4 told her that they really admired our class cuz we're so close. And Kejia said that her housemate from PM12 said the same thing too! It's really amazing to hear that our unity is so renowned (heh heh) that even other classes know about it :P

During Maths today, we had a 5 minute break which turned into a 30 minutes break. Because
1) Pammy and Shman told teacher their 'Complex Number' story which left teacher gaping with the 'whatdidIjustlistento' look :P Hahahah
2) We decided to show Ms Annie the video of Shman dancing to Bad Romance. Which then led to Pammy's routine. I was cheering it on, BAD MISTAKE. Next came up the video of me dancing to Whip My Hair -.- GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. Tho next was Larry so attention diverted, phew! HAHAHAH everything was so funny, everyone was in fits. Chunting even SCREAMED when the image of Shman came up on the screen.

Reflection: Chunting offered me 100 bucks if I'd dance in the Taylor's compound during lunchtime tmrw. Seriously considering it :P 100 bucks keh 100 BUCKS (desperate for $$$$$$$$)


Oh and people have been getting their uni offers, and I haven't gotten any except for my unsuccessful Bath application. Feeling really worried :(

I miss mummy and daddy.

All We've To Do - Is Ask.

John 16:24 NKJV
24 Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive,  that your joy may be  full.

Recent Events! :)

Tuesday
Spontaneous 'Breaking Dawn' with Keven and Shman. Class ended at 2, movie starts at 2.05. WE ARE AMAZING. The movie was gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.  It was quite nice, we a superb unexpected twist. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Friday
So for the past week, EDC has been having practices daily, from about 4 to 6.30/7. Tiring, but completely worth it. WE ROCKED IT OUT ON FRIDAY WOOOOOH! :D I mean, there were mistakes here and there cuz I think we panicked and forgot some of the parts, but altogether it was GREAT! :D Hahahah the audience loved us yayyy! :D I think no one really picked up the mistakes because it sounded fine to them cuz they didn't know the real routine. Sadly, CF didn't win the award we were nominated for, the Best Club Award (non-sport), but oh wells :) We know we're winners in His eyes anyway ;)

After the award ceremony, I left for home and packed my stuff for the sleepover at Pammy's. The plan was actually to sleep over at Pammy's for the night, and leave for Perak the next day. I couldn't leave mama alone at home tho, and already had plans for Sunday morning so I was only going for the sleepover. At 7.40(?), Pammy and Kejia, along with everyone else (Hueyying, Miu miu, Larry, Vivien, Yi Chwen, Shman, Li Wei), came to pick me up. Everyone was starving, so we decided to just have our dinner at Domino's. And once the pizza came, we ate as thought we hadn't eaten for YEARS. IN LESS THAN 10 MINUTES, WE DEVOURED 4 PIZZAS. After thaaaat, we left for Pammy's house. It was distressful because we kept having to make sure that Kejia was following, since she didn't know the way there. AND THEN
PAMMY'S HUGESION. IT WAS HUGE. REAAAAAAAAAAAAALLY HUGE. It made me feel so poor T___T So yeah, we settled in and then Pammy introduced us to this game (Xbox game) called Dance Central 2. It was SO FUN. We're supposed to follow the moves of the characters on the screen and try to get as many points as we can. It was so funny to see everyone trying all the moves, especially the weird ones hahahah. After a while, Pammy left and we somehow decided that we were gonna demolish ALL of Pammy's high scores. Cuz we have a secret weapon: Hueyying. Hueyying ah, VERY THE AMAZING. In 5/6 moves can get 500 000 ady.  o_____o
Later, Pammy changed the game to Guitar Hero, and the girls headed to bed. Me, Pammy, Shman, Li Wei and Larry stayed up till 3 playing that game hahahah :P Then at 3.15, we went to sleep and Pammy planned to wake up at 5.

Saturday
At 5.30am, Larry woke us (Pammy, me, Shman, Li Wei) up. Or at least, he tried. Only I woke up, and everyone else went back to sleep. So I went upstairs with Larry to get the guys up. So funny hahahahah Shman had one eye open when I came up and he pulled up the covers and went NUUUUUUUUUU, blahblahsmthsmthgroanmoan. So yeah, I went back to sleep. Cut the long story short, everyone woke up at around 6.30. Li Wei and Pammy were the hardest to wake up, having had to hurl pillows at Li Wei to get him up, and the girls smothering and tickling Pammy to get her up. Heheheh so funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnny :P Oh and us girls were sitting in our room, and there was a smell.  We were wondering what it was, and then I saw it. FIRE. Hueyying's portable charger was on fire, ohmygosh what a scare. We managed to put it out (Shman did it.), and THANK GOD Pammy's parents weren't there. After that, we went out for ba ku teh breakfast, which was yum! :D And then they dropped me back home afterwards :)

Sunday
Today was supposed to be a bonding-while-jogging time with Taekwando people, but only Evo, Hazeem and Ariff made it. Including Jason, that made only 5 of us. So yeaaaaah, at around 7.15 we left for Bukit Cherakah (note: Bukit Cherakah). Unsure of the way there, Evo and I decided to consult the GPS. Which led us to some road leading to Kuala Selangor, which we assumed should be another road there..? And it led us to nowhere. We already went deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep in, and then we had to get out. AND THEN, Evo realized: THEY CHANGED THE NAME TO BUKIT CAHAYA -______________________- The only mistake we did was get the name wrong?! And it was indeed called Bukit Cherakah last time ugh -.- So yeah we made our way there to find out that it was only open at 8.30 -.- (Btw, it's ALSO called Taman Pertanian Malaysia and Bukit Bandaraya. WHAT.) Then we waited 15 minutes for bikes, but NOOOOOOOOO, only the super expensive 10 bucks per hour bikes were left. So we decided, nvm lah, jog only lah. So much for jogging hahahahah we ended up walking. Our main destination was the 4 Seasons House, so we basically went one whole round just for that. Amazing right? :') It was fun tho, we definitely got to bond. Finally, after 2+ hours, we reached the 4 Seasons House! :D We went in, and it was freezingggggggggg! ;O We played with the 'snow', and of course, jakun-ness set in. I even got to sneak a snow ball out! ;) After that, we walked for a bit more then left for breakfast :) By then it was already almost 12. Altogether, it was an amazing time :) The best part tho, was this: We were walking when suddenly, this guy stopped me and asked me,

Him: You cina eh?
Me: Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah (so awkward hahahah)
Him: Bagus bagus. Abang sekarang selalu tak nampak orang Cina dengan orang Melayu kawan sama sama.
Ariff: 1 Malaysia ;)
Me: ha'ah :) *points at Evo* Dia India.

And after the confusion about Evo's indian-ness was settled,
Him: Dulu selalu nampak orang India Cina & Melayu sama sama. Kalau sekarang orang Cina satu group kat sana, Melayu kat sana pulak. Abang gembira tengok orang macam kamu semua. Sepatutnya 1 Malaysia camtu lah!

And that, right there, was one of the proudest moments of my life.
Amazing, simply amazing.

NOW TIME FOR SOME PICTURES.

Breaking Dawn with Shman and Keven :)

EDC.

 Routine #1

Routine #2

 Keven, Shman and Pammy in her cosplay 'nerd' costume! :D
Oh and her Anime Club won the Most Coveted Event! 

 Boys will be boys.

 CF GANG! ♥

Pammy sleeping! ;3 (I WILL DIE IF SHE SEES THIS BUT I CANNOT RESIST TOO CUTE ASHDFKAJ) 

And lastly, today's Bukit CAHAYA trip! :) 

My snowball! :D

Toodles! :) 

Ever felt underappreciated and insignificant?

Why I Love Kids ;3

Another list hahahah, one that will be added on to ;) If I remember that is.

1. They're SO CUTE

2. They're so much easier to please compared to adults or teens or wtv 

3. They have such a simplistic mindset, :')

.......................................................................

Other stuffs on my mind right now:

1:32 to 1:51 says it all ;)

Also,

FIRST EVER TAEKWANDO OUTING (does jogging together count as an outing?) next week! :D Bukit Cherakah, here we come! :D *hoping for an amazing bonding time* :)

And today's verse of the day, I laike.

Matthew 7:1

Judge not, that you be not judged.

And I wish mummy and daddy would just reply my whatsapp. They whatsapped a while ago, but I missed it cuz I was in taekwando -.- Ish. To think of it, I ALWAYS argue with them but when they're not around, miss them like maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad :( HOW LAH TO GO OVERSEAS LIDDAT 

Day #1.

It's been less than 24 hours, and I miss my parents already. How to go overseas lah like this -.-

Dongdong.

So I created an album yesterday to just, showcase how immensely 'high', or in other words, 'drunk', Shman can be.

Yep, this dongdong actually repeatedly pressed the emergency signal button while I was driving. He press on, I press off. On off on off on off all the way from Leek's house to college -.-  GILA.

And then the shouting for Leek outside  Leek's house. HAHAHAHAH

ANYWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYS

EXAMS ARE OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR! :D AS EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER AFTER 2 MONTHS 2 LONG MONTHS PRAISE THE LORD! :D :D :D

And CF yesterday really really nice. Those people who skipped, (Mr President, *cough*) really missed out :P PADAN MUKA. Plus someone said something to me yesterday, and it was really nice to be recognised for the effort you put in :)

Now,

BIO ASSIGNMENTS.

WHY MS HO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI

A Random Thought:

Seeing as how much judgement and criticism is going around, I wonder who would still choose to remain friends with me if they found out my so-called 'dark side'. Other than those who've already done so. Those people, I truly ♥ :)you know who you are ;)

Suddenly remembered the feeling of lost when bestie said he was gonna leave. 

We may joke a lot, tease each other, be superly duperly mean, kononnya 'hate' each other, but deep down, ______________ . Ngeheheh fullstop. Fill in the blank yourself :P

Whoever thinks opposite genders can't be best friends, or Muslims and Christians can't be best friends, you're dead wrong. And we're here to prove it >:D

Just, Things.

1

So I've this friend. He's not perfect, he makes mistakes, and he has some issues of his own. And of course, when you make mistakes, people will comment, will criticize. That's normal, that's fine. But what's not fine is when people start saying stuff about him being a Christian and all. Clearly, you do not understand what being a Christian is about. It's about being imperfect, flawed. But despite our imperfections, we're still accepted and loved by a perfect God. It's not us who's perfect, it's Him. We still make mistakes, like everyone else. We'll sin, but when we repent, we'll know that our sins have already been paid for at the cross. We'll fall, but He'll be there to pick us up and guide us through. That's what being a Christian is about. Being loved despite imperfection. Not being perfect.

...................................................................................

2

For a long time now, this has been nagging at me - Psychology or  Medicine? I like both, and I'd have no regrets doing either of them. Thing is, I've grown up wanting to do Medicine, but once I'd gotten the interest in Psychology, it was hard to make a decision. What more, career test after career test after career test, and friends have told me that I was suited for Psychology. I can talk to a person for hours (oh yes, I've the patience for that) and help them solve an issue they're dealing with. I like knowing what's going on in people's minds, that kind of thing. So yeah, it's been bothering me for a while. Especially when I decided to apply for Medicine in UK. One of my friends, told me to pray about it. Pray for a sign. So I did. In my UCAS, I applied to 4 universities for Medicine, and 1 for Psychology. I told  Him, if it was His will for me to study Psychology, then let me be accepted for that (which is quite impossible, unless a miracle happens. Which was exactly what I was praying for.) So yeaaaaaah, results are out. And I am ... (is the suspense killing you yet? ;) hahah)

Unsuccessful. 

Now it just feels like a heavy burden's been lifted off my shoulders. I now know what His plan for my life is, and I'm thankful. And happy :) No need to worry bout that anymore :)

...................................................................................

3

Now time for some non-serious stuff :D

Got this quote from Taylor's CPCC the other day. There's just something about it; :)

Great dancers are not great because of their technique,

they are great because of their passion.

Martha Graham

Don't you like that? :)

...................................................................................

4

BABY BISCUITS ASDFHAKJLS ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

After such a lonnnnnnng time, mummy finally bought this from me. And the addiction begins agaaaaaaain ;) ASJDAK SO MUCH LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ♥

...................................................................................

5

And last but not least,

Daddy FINALLY bought me my own laptop! :D Now I have my own baby boi and I NEVER have to fight with Jason ever again yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay :D 

So that's it I guesssssssssssssssss. Will post later, soon! Exam finishing in 5 days asdhfkajh cannot waaaaaaaaaaaaaaait :D 

Judgement.

John 8:7
Let he who has no sin cast the first stone.
You're not sinless either. No one's given the right to judge another. You don't like it when others do so to you, so why would you do the same?

Of Rooftops And Night Skies;

Right now, I just wish my room had a balcony which leads up to the rooftop. The ones where you can just sit and not be worried about falling off. I'd bring my blanket, my pillows, my teddies and just lie there for the whole night. Under the stars, under the night sky.
A sanctuary.

For Whenever I'm Lonely:

Psalms 34:10
The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

^ THIS. Need to remember this every time I get lonely. I LACK NO GOOD THING. 

................................................................ 

Oh and yesterday, Pr Andy let us watch a video during NST, called 'Spin'. Hang on yeaaaaah, lemme see if I can find it on Youtube.

GOT IT! 

Okay so Pr Andy was trying to teach us something else, but after watching this, I realized that 

When you end up in a situation, sometimes it's the best option there is. Like out of options A,B,C,D, it's the best choice out of the four. Something like that. 

Does that make sense?
So yeaaaah, I guess the phrase 'things could be worse' may be quite, literally, true. Hm.

Estranged.

It's sad to see families falling apart over something as stupid as money.
Just stupid.

Stuffs.

Hahahahah Leek is so funneh :'D

And right now, this song is replaying itself in my mind:

Taylor Swift - Mean

And with this song, comes memories of:

• K Fung, Shman, Sehran and me heading to the airport after BM tuition to send Timmy off (without mummy's permission heh heh)
• K Fung speeding like a maniac -.-
• The car overheating and all of us panicking

Ah yes, 130 km/h. K Fung so amazing :')

• LEARNED HOW TO SOLVE AN OVERHEATING PROBLEM
• Reconciliation
• Sending Timmy off with lots and lots and lots of tears :'(

The best buds ♥

• Last glimpses
• Emo-ing at KFC after
• A certain other memory (I hope I'll know what I mean when I reread this few years from now.)
• Driving home
• Getting lost
• Blaring the radio and singing along to the songs :D Like a road trip! :)
• Why'd you gotta be so meaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan

So much nostalgia. 

Home.

Home:
One's place of residence
The social unit formed by a family living together
A familiar or usual setting

House:
A building that serves as living quarters

And then there's the saying,
'Home is where the heart is.'

A person's house should be their sanctuary, their hiding place, the place they're most loved, most cared for- a house shouldn't just be a house, but it should be a home. Not just a place where they live in. Not just that. It's the tightly-knitted relationship of a family, it's that feeling of comfort you get immediately once you step in the door.

A house can be a home, but home may not be your own house.

If so, what happens next? What happens when your house is no longer a home? 

Smiles :)

Hi everyone, this is happy Jas :) Happy Jas is super happy :D

Hahahah I know this is my third post today, but just felt like penning (or rather, typing) down something that just popped up in my mind.

Looks. Outer beauty. It's such a thing of the world, and truth be told, not everyone has it. Before you roll your eyes the screen and decide never, EVER to drop by here ever again, hear me out.
Not everyone has good looks/prettiness. As in, the world-defined ones.

But then again. Have you ever looked at someone who isn't all that stunning, and he/she doesn't even grab your attention at first? But then he/she smiles and that smile of theirs just lights up the room :D And right there and then, your attention is fixated on them.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm fixated with people's smiles. Okay that sounded a lil bit creepy. But yeaaaaah, I tend to observe people wherever I am, and when I see people smiling, it makes me smile too :) Makes me feel happy :) :) :)

OHHHHHH and a lil vanity won't hurt, eheh? :P
I was feeling insecure about my looks once, and then someone came up to me and told me that I may not have the best looks, and I may not be as pretty as others (gee, that person was frank.) but there's something about seeing my always smiling and happy that makes her feel happy too :D And that, right there, was one of the best things that anyone had ever said to me.

So I think what I'm trying to say here is that when it comes to appearances, your smile matters the most :) Frowns can turn pretty faces upside down, and smiles can turn any face into a beautiful masterpiece. I mean, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN AN UGLY PHOTO OF A HAPPILY SMILING PERSON? -___-

Look at those smiles. How can you help it, but to smile along?
♥

Gifts.

A reminder:
The greatest gift is the one gift we overlook the most; the gift of being able to wake up each morning.  That's God's gift to us; the promise of one more day. 

Anywaaaaaaaaaays,
This post, I dedicate to Mr Ng Lean Loong-
For one of the greatest gifts ever.

You see, I haven't felt close to Him in a while. And for my birthday, this dude here, gave me a mix CD of his favourite songs- worship music, to be exact. On the way back from piano class, I was listening to the CD and suddenly I just felt Him close. And then I started crying - while driving.
One of the greatest gifts ever. Not the CD itself, but this guy here gave me the gift of being close to Him once again.
I know you'll be reading this. Thank you, buddeh :)

Truly, Love.

For friends who do everything they can to make my day an amazing one

For friends who never fail to make me smile

For friends who're so willing to sacrifice their time for me

For friends who remember

For friends who wish me from wherever they are

For friends who stay up just for me, eventhough they're super tired and all

For friends whose plans somehow always almost fail

For friends who exceed all expectations



Just, for friends. For all of them amazing people-
I thank God.

The Things We Miss.

It's 2nd Nov, and you know what that means.
I'm supposed to be super happy and all but I just woke up today feeling so sad. It's not gonna be like the past years, walking into school and having all of them (especially evo) try to somehow surprise me by screaming 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAS!!!' in front of the whole wide world. Some of those people I love most aren't here, so no hugs from them. No tight, reassuring, you-know-how-much-I-love-you hugs. No nearly failed surprises due to someone's slip of the tongue in front of me. No birthday teases and all for the whole duration of the day. Nopeeeeeeeeee. Ah yes, I'm such a saddo.
Can't help it.
I still remember last year,
I was pretty annoyed with KF cuz he didn't come to sch. Then at about 10am, he waltzed into class. 'I woke up late, but had to come cuz I felt a force' Hahahah funny yet sweet at the same time <3
So this year, one of my birthday wishes would be;
Ah wait they say if you tell your wishes, they won't come true.
- And with thaaaat, I close my saddo post and be optimistic for the day :)

Trust In The Lord With All Your Heart.

Proverbs 3: 5-6

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

This Feeling I'm Feeling.

Having a mix of emotions after watching this video. And now because of some certain reason I feel as though there may be this drift may already be a drift between us all. Makes me so sad to think about it.

Ever realize, it's when times don't call for it that you start to think stuffs? Only happens when you've other important stuff, more important stuff to do.

Gahhhhh and Physics, can't stop thinking about Physics. Keep reminding myself that I did do my best, try out all the past years, but it really was disappointing.

Just gonna trust Him and hope that I pull through. And hope that whatever my doubts are, they'll prove me wrong.

Never judge a book by it's cover.
I'm always advocating this, and why? Because I know. I'm the perfect example for that.
People see me and immediately they see the cheerful, playful exterior. Immediately the assumption is made that i'm just a happy person, one of those people who seem content with everything, who seem to have no trouble in life. That, is a huge lie. Recently, I've spoken to people whom, when they found out about my vulnerability, they were surprised, cuz it just wasn't like me.
When in the first place, how is it not like me? Those quotes everywhere about the people who smile the most being the ones who've been through most? I wouldn't say it's the same for everyone, but that's how it works in my case. But then again, my happiness, my cheerfulness- that's not a facade, not a mask I hide behind. People tend to think that happy people can only be happy, and sad people can only be sad. I don't know why they can't be both. I guess, it's just the way some people preserve the world. Like if they don't try to mix the good with the bad, the world wouldn't seem too bad. Right?
People think they know me. In reality, they don't.
I laugh a lot, smile a lot. People who know me say I always seem happy. Why? I like being happy, and I know what it's like to always feel sad. Feel pain.
I know what it's like to cry myself to sleep, listening to screams and shouts outside my bedroom door, as much as I close my ears and try not to listen. I know what it's like to beg. Just beg, for everything to stop. I know what it's like to wake up, wondering if either one of my parents have come home after last night's debacle. I know how it feels like to wake up and hope that no one's left home. I know what it's like to scream down the road to beg my brother not to leave. Again. I know what it's like to wait and wait and just wait- when waiting is all you can do. I know what it's like to pray so hard for things to change. I know what it's like to pack my bags, having decided to leave- but then changing my mind because no matter what, I love my family. I know what it's like to lose all of my friends at once, just like that. I know what it's like to break someone's heart. I know what it's like to feel like nobody loves me. I know what  it's like to feel alone, all alone. I know what it's like to feel completely, utterly numb. I know what it's like to feel lost. I know what it's like to have people make fun of me. I know what it's like to be backstabbed. I know what it's like to wish I was dead. I know what it's like to be a cutter. I know what it's like to feel sad all the time. I know what it's like to be afraid that everyone's going to leave. I know what it's like to hope that God doesn't leave as well- but he hasn't, and I know he never will.
That's how much you'll never know.
And now you do.
Don't ever, ever judge. Ever.
If you're praying tonight and you come across this, do keep me in your prayers.



Finally.

Oh God, save me. Save me.

I'm not gonna question God when He gives me trials, 'cause I don't question Him when He pours His blessings unto me.

:)

Spazzzzzzzz

'Boxes.'

Xin Yi and Hao Yen were having sort-of a competition to see who could write a better story about 'Boxes', and Sarah and I decided to join! :)

I miss writing, hm.

And then

I opened my hotmail

And

OMGosssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssh

EMAILS

FROM

UNIS OF BRISTOL AND LEICESTER AND BATH,

saying they'd received my application.

asjhdfakjsdhfakljhaflk okay super panicky and excited right now kay byeeeeeeeee gotta study bio :D

Inevitable.

Life is fragile. Life is short. Everything you love, everything you hold so dearly- it can be snatched away in just a blink of an eye.

How many times have we heard those words being said? How many times have we read them, seen them? We all know we can't live forever, but most of us seem to zombiewalk through day to day, taking everything for granted. Not bothering to appreciate the lives we've been given, the people we're blessed with. When was the last time you told your parents you loved them? When was the last time you told your grandparents you loved them? Your sister, your brother, the rest of your family. Your friends, your teachers?

It's so easy to throw meaningless 'I love yous', but when it comes down to when it really matters, why do our mouths just clamp themselves shut? Teenagers especially- It's so easy to tell your so-called 'partner' that you love them, but it's so hard to just form the words on your tongue for your parents. And I admit, I'm one of those type of people. I can't remember the last time I told my mum that I love her, and as for my dad, I'm sure it's even longer. It's like, we keep pushing it aside, leaving it for 'some other day'.

Here's a newsflash: There may not be another day. Since when is there a guarantee of life? A 'Get To Your Next Day Alive' pass? Exactly. There. Is. No. Guarantee. You and I, we may not even live past this hour, what more the next day, and the day after it? Life isn't a guarantee, it's a Gift. Remember that.

Most of the time, we seem to think we're immune to death. It'll only happen to other people, we're merely passerbys- that's the type of attitude we have. But malang tidak berbau, maut tidak mengenali mangsa. That just says it all. Death doesn't bother to know how old you are, how many children you have, how many more plans you have for your life, whether you've fixed that relationship, and it certainly doesn't care if you've just had an argument with someone and want to apologize for it before you leave- it doesn't care. If it's your time, you're leaving- whether you want to or not.

I, for one- if someone were to leave me today, I'd like to live knowing that my time with him/her was well spent, and he/she knows how much I love her. I'd like knowing that I wouldn't be hoping to change anything, that there wasn't anything I would have done differently. No 'what if's. And if I were to be the one to leave, I'd like knowing that I've made people happy during my time with them.

Feels like this year's been a wake-up call to my perfect little bubble. Have to start doing things differently from now on.
Reminding my parents I love them.
Calling up my gong gong to tell him to hang in there. For me.
Somehow finding a way to tell and show Jason that I love him, without ending up laughing.
Never, ever leave the house angry.
Share more of God with the people around me.

Blah.

Rambling. Rambling is good.

Not when you don't know where to start.

Just start, it'll flow.

But I don't even know how I'm going to phrase all of these things.

Doesn't matter.

It does.

C'mon, Jas. 

Gah, forget it.  

I lost my train of thought. Maybe later.

More Quotes!

So I'm actually planning on posting, but before that, I'll just post the rest of the quotes I got from Taylor's CPCC recently :)
Cuz I like quotes, and I'm a scatterbrain weeee ;)

Get all the education you can, but then, by God,

DO SOMETHING.
Don't just stand there,

MAKE IT HAPPEN. 

Lee Lacocca

...........................................................

Knowing is not enough, we must apply.

Willing is not enough, we must do. 

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

.......................................................

The only limit to our realisation of tomorrow

will be our doubts of today.

Franklin Roosevelt

.......................................................

Many of the great achievements of the world

were accomplished by tired and discouraged men

who kept on working.

Anonymous

...........................................................

Do not spoil what you have

by desiring what you have not;

but remember that what you now have

was once among the things you only hoped for.

Spicurus

...........................................................

If you're not lighting any candles,

don't complain about being in the dark.

.......................................................

Kind words can be short and easy to speak,

but their echoes are truly endless.

Mother Teresa

:)

Chances.

If you never take the chance, how're you gonna know how it's going to turn out?

When is it my turn?
Feel so lost right now.
Save me. 

Just because you're mad, doesn't mean you can just take it out on me. Go on, keep breaking that spirit. For all you know, it's gonna die out one day.

I Like Big Bears And I Cannot Lie >:D

Somebody buy me a bearbear like this pretty please? :3 I will ♥ you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ...
Yeah, you get the picture :P