Trust In The Lord With All Your Heart.

Proverbs 3: 5-6

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

This Feeling I'm Feeling.

Having a mix of emotions after watching this video. And now because of some certain reason I feel as though there may be this drift may already be a drift between us all. Makes me so sad to think about it.

Ever realize, it's when times don't call for it that you start to think stuffs? Only happens when you've other important stuff, more important stuff to do.

Gahhhhh and Physics, can't stop thinking about Physics. Keep reminding myself that I did do my best, try out all the past years, but it really was disappointing.

Just gonna trust Him and hope that I pull through. And hope that whatever my doubts are, they'll prove me wrong.

Never judge a book by it's cover.
I'm always advocating this, and why? Because I know. I'm the perfect example for that.
People see me and immediately they see the cheerful, playful exterior. Immediately the assumption is made that i'm just a happy person, one of those people who seem content with everything, who seem to have no trouble in life. That, is a huge lie. Recently, I've spoken to people whom, when they found out about my vulnerability, they were surprised, cuz it just wasn't like me.
When in the first place, how is it not like me? Those quotes everywhere about the people who smile the most being the ones who've been through most? I wouldn't say it's the same for everyone, but that's how it works in my case. But then again, my happiness, my cheerfulness- that's not a facade, not a mask I hide behind. People tend to think that happy people can only be happy, and sad people can only be sad. I don't know why they can't be both. I guess, it's just the way some people preserve the world. Like if they don't try to mix the good with the bad, the world wouldn't seem too bad. Right?
People think they know me. In reality, they don't.
I laugh a lot, smile a lot. People who know me say I always seem happy. Why? I like being happy, and I know what it's like to always feel sad. Feel pain.
I know what it's like to cry myself to sleep, listening to screams and shouts outside my bedroom door, as much as I close my ears and try not to listen. I know what it's like to beg. Just beg, for everything to stop. I know what it's like to wake up, wondering if either one of my parents have come home after last night's debacle. I know how it feels like to wake up and hope that no one's left home. I know what it's like to scream down the road to beg my brother not to leave. Again. I know what it's like to wait and wait and just wait- when waiting is all you can do. I know what it's like to pray so hard for things to change. I know what it's like to pack my bags, having decided to leave- but then changing my mind because no matter what, I love my family. I know what it's like to lose all of my friends at once, just like that. I know what it's like to break someone's heart. I know what it's like to feel like nobody loves me. I know what  it's like to feel alone, all alone. I know what it's like to feel completely, utterly numb. I know what it's like to feel lost. I know what it's like to have people make fun of me. I know what it's like to be backstabbed. I know what it's like to wish I was dead. I know what it's like to be a cutter. I know what it's like to feel sad all the time. I know what it's like to be afraid that everyone's going to leave. I know what it's like to hope that God doesn't leave as well- but he hasn't, and I know he never will.
That's how much you'll never know.
And now you do.
Don't ever, ever judge. Ever.
If you're praying tonight and you come across this, do keep me in your prayers.



Finally.

Oh God, save me. Save me.

I'm not gonna question God when He gives me trials, 'cause I don't question Him when He pours His blessings unto me.

:)

Spazzzzzzzz

'Boxes.'

Xin Yi and Hao Yen were having sort-of a competition to see who could write a better story about 'Boxes', and Sarah and I decided to join! :)

I miss writing, hm.

And then

I opened my hotmail

And

OMGosssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssh

EMAILS

FROM

UNIS OF BRISTOL AND LEICESTER AND BATH,

saying they'd received my application.

asjhdfakjsdhfakljhaflk okay super panicky and excited right now kay byeeeeeeeee gotta study bio :D

Inevitable.

Life is fragile. Life is short. Everything you love, everything you hold so dearly- it can be snatched away in just a blink of an eye.

How many times have we heard those words being said? How many times have we read them, seen them? We all know we can't live forever, but most of us seem to zombiewalk through day to day, taking everything for granted. Not bothering to appreciate the lives we've been given, the people we're blessed with. When was the last time you told your parents you loved them? When was the last time you told your grandparents you loved them? Your sister, your brother, the rest of your family. Your friends, your teachers?

It's so easy to throw meaningless 'I love yous', but when it comes down to when it really matters, why do our mouths just clamp themselves shut? Teenagers especially- It's so easy to tell your so-called 'partner' that you love them, but it's so hard to just form the words on your tongue for your parents. And I admit, I'm one of those type of people. I can't remember the last time I told my mum that I love her, and as for my dad, I'm sure it's even longer. It's like, we keep pushing it aside, leaving it for 'some other day'.

Here's a newsflash: There may not be another day. Since when is there a guarantee of life? A 'Get To Your Next Day Alive' pass? Exactly. There. Is. No. Guarantee. You and I, we may not even live past this hour, what more the next day, and the day after it? Life isn't a guarantee, it's a Gift. Remember that.

Most of the time, we seem to think we're immune to death. It'll only happen to other people, we're merely passerbys- that's the type of attitude we have. But malang tidak berbau, maut tidak mengenali mangsa. That just says it all. Death doesn't bother to know how old you are, how many children you have, how many more plans you have for your life, whether you've fixed that relationship, and it certainly doesn't care if you've just had an argument with someone and want to apologize for it before you leave- it doesn't care. If it's your time, you're leaving- whether you want to or not.

I, for one- if someone were to leave me today, I'd like to live knowing that my time with him/her was well spent, and he/she knows how much I love her. I'd like knowing that I wouldn't be hoping to change anything, that there wasn't anything I would have done differently. No 'what if's. And if I were to be the one to leave, I'd like knowing that I've made people happy during my time with them.

Feels like this year's been a wake-up call to my perfect little bubble. Have to start doing things differently from now on.
Reminding my parents I love them.
Calling up my gong gong to tell him to hang in there. For me.
Somehow finding a way to tell and show Jason that I love him, without ending up laughing.
Never, ever leave the house angry.
Share more of God with the people around me.

Blah.

Rambling. Rambling is good.

Not when you don't know where to start.

Just start, it'll flow.

But I don't even know how I'm going to phrase all of these things.

Doesn't matter.

It does.

C'mon, Jas. 

Gah, forget it.  

I lost my train of thought. Maybe later.

More Quotes!

So I'm actually planning on posting, but before that, I'll just post the rest of the quotes I got from Taylor's CPCC recently :)
Cuz I like quotes, and I'm a scatterbrain weeee ;)

Get all the education you can, but then, by God,

DO SOMETHING.
Don't just stand there,

MAKE IT HAPPEN. 

Lee Lacocca

...........................................................

Knowing is not enough, we must apply.

Willing is not enough, we must do. 

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

.......................................................

The only limit to our realisation of tomorrow

will be our doubts of today.

Franklin Roosevelt

.......................................................

Many of the great achievements of the world

were accomplished by tired and discouraged men

who kept on working.

Anonymous

...........................................................

Do not spoil what you have

by desiring what you have not;

but remember that what you now have

was once among the things you only hoped for.

Spicurus

...........................................................

If you're not lighting any candles,

don't complain about being in the dark.

.......................................................

Kind words can be short and easy to speak,

but their echoes are truly endless.

Mother Teresa

:)