Never judge a book by it's cover.
I'm always advocating this, and why? Because I know. I'm the perfect example for that.
People see me and immediately they see the cheerful, playful exterior. Immediately the assumption is made that i'm just a happy person, one of those people who seem content with everything, who seem to have no trouble in life. That, is a huge lie. Recently, I've spoken to people whom, when they found out about my vulnerability, they were surprised, cuz it just wasn't like me.
When in the first place, how is it not like me? Those quotes everywhere about the people who smile the most being the ones who've been through most? I wouldn't say it's the same for everyone, but that's how it works in my case. But then again, my happiness, my cheerfulness- that's not a facade, not a mask I hide behind. People tend to think that happy people can only be happy, and sad people can only be sad. I don't know why they can't be both. I guess, it's just the way some people preserve the world. Like if they don't try to mix the good with the bad, the world wouldn't seem too bad. Right?
People think they know me. In reality, they don't.
I laugh a lot, smile a lot. People who know me say I always seem happy. Why? I like being happy, and I know what it's like to always feel sad. Feel pain.
I know what it's like to cry myself to sleep, listening to screams and shouts outside my bedroom door, as much as I close my ears and try not to listen. I know what it's like to beg. Just beg, for everything to stop. I know what it's like to wake up, wondering if either one of my parents have come home after last night's debacle. I know how it feels like to wake up and hope that no one's left home. I know what it's like to scream down the road to beg my brother not to leave. Again. I know what it's like to wait and wait and just wait- when waiting is all you can do. I know what it's like to pray so hard for things to change. I know what it's like to pack my bags, having decided to leave- but then changing my mind because no matter what, I love my family. I know what it's like to lose all of my friends at once, just like that. I know what it's like to break someone's heart. I know what it's like to feel like nobody loves me. I know what it's like to feel alone, all alone. I know what it's like to feel completely, utterly numb. I know what it's like to feel lost. I know what it's like to have people make fun of me. I know what it's like to be backstabbed. I know what it's like to wish I was dead. I know what it's like to be a cutter. I know what it's like to feel sad all the time. I know what it's like to be afraid that everyone's going to leave. I know what it's like to hope that God doesn't leave as well- but he hasn't, and I know he never will.
That's how much you'll never know.
And now you do.
Don't ever, ever judge. Ever.
If you're praying tonight and you come across this, do keep me in your prayers.
Finally.
I'm always advocating this, and why? Because I know. I'm the perfect example for that.
People see me and immediately they see the cheerful, playful exterior. Immediately the assumption is made that i'm just a happy person, one of those people who seem content with everything, who seem to have no trouble in life. That, is a huge lie. Recently, I've spoken to people whom, when they found out about my vulnerability, they were surprised, cuz it just wasn't like me.
When in the first place, how is it not like me? Those quotes everywhere about the people who smile the most being the ones who've been through most? I wouldn't say it's the same for everyone, but that's how it works in my case. But then again, my happiness, my cheerfulness- that's not a facade, not a mask I hide behind. People tend to think that happy people can only be happy, and sad people can only be sad. I don't know why they can't be both. I guess, it's just the way some people preserve the world. Like if they don't try to mix the good with the bad, the world wouldn't seem too bad. Right?
People think they know me. In reality, they don't.
I laugh a lot, smile a lot. People who know me say I always seem happy. Why? I like being happy, and I know what it's like to always feel sad. Feel pain.
I know what it's like to cry myself to sleep, listening to screams and shouts outside my bedroom door, as much as I close my ears and try not to listen. I know what it's like to beg. Just beg, for everything to stop. I know what it's like to wake up, wondering if either one of my parents have come home after last night's debacle. I know how it feels like to wake up and hope that no one's left home. I know what it's like to scream down the road to beg my brother not to leave. Again. I know what it's like to wait and wait and just wait- when waiting is all you can do. I know what it's like to pray so hard for things to change. I know what it's like to pack my bags, having decided to leave- but then changing my mind because no matter what, I love my family. I know what it's like to lose all of my friends at once, just like that. I know what it's like to break someone's heart. I know what it's like to feel like nobody loves me. I know what it's like to feel alone, all alone. I know what it's like to feel completely, utterly numb. I know what it's like to feel lost. I know what it's like to have people make fun of me. I know what it's like to be backstabbed. I know what it's like to wish I was dead. I know what it's like to be a cutter. I know what it's like to feel sad all the time. I know what it's like to be afraid that everyone's going to leave. I know what it's like to hope that God doesn't leave as well- but he hasn't, and I know he never will.
That's how much you'll never know.
And now you do.
Don't ever, ever judge. Ever.
If you're praying tonight and you come across this, do keep me in your prayers.
Finally.
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