Strength.

It's been almost a month since I've been here in UK, since I said goodbye to my family and friends. It's been 3 weeks since I've started university, 3 weeks since I said goodbye to daddy and watched him walk away. It's been only 3 weeks, and yet it feels like years have passed. Every day I wake up and it hits me how I'm not in the familiarity of my room. Every day, I strike out days on the calendar, counting down the days till I'll be home.

Back in Form 5, going to university in the UK was such a faraway dream. I wanted to be able to study in UK so badly, at times it was the only thing that kept me going, kept me studying and working my butt off. Getting my results, knowing I was FINALLY heading off to UK, that was one of the best feelings I've ever experienced. 

And now I'm here. Ask me now, how I feel about being here and I'd give you a completely different answer from what you expected. Form-5-Jas would be so disappointed. There are days when I wonder why I was so desperate to be here in the first place. There are days when I wish I stayed back in Malaysia. Things aren't (too) bad, I guess. Apart from housemates who can't seem to keep the noise down and who don't seem to value cleanliness, the horrible weather (it's been raining almost non-stop for 4 days now), the difficulty in making friends, the vast difference in culture, and the bland food, everything is just fine. I'm not exaggerating, fyi. I wouldn't say things are bad, it's just loaaaaads different, and it's quite hard to take in. 

I wasn't expecting making friends to be this difficult, too. When I imagined being here, I expected myself to have loads of British friends. I told myself I wasn't going to be one of those people who only stuck with Asians. HAHAHAHA HOW WRONG I WAS. I'm now sticking to my Asian (Malaysian) friends like paper and glue. Trust me, I've tried hanging out with all the Brits, but we can't seem to 'click'. Probably because they have different topics of conversation from what we Asians do, I guess? I don't know, but there just isn't an ease of conversation. 

I miss the mafias and how comfortable I feel around them. 

BUT

One thing I've learned from this past month is that I'm actually stronger than I think I am. Apart from the night that daddy left, I haven't cried while I've been here. I used to be such a crybaby, crying over every small little thing. And now I'm here all alone, and nope, no tears. It was just that once. I guess I've grown up a little? I still feel miserable and really frustrated once in a while, but I've learnt not to fret over it too much. And for now, at least, I know I'm not going to break down one day and decide to just quit the whole course and go home, which was one of my main worries. I know I can get through this if I keep looking forward. 

Things may be difficult, 

I will miss everyone back home,

And I definitely can't help feeling homesick ;

But I will survive this first year and the years to come! :)