Stepping stones to where you need to be.
*Picture stolen from Google
I've always been the type to shy away from any sort of confrontation. If an issue cropped out and the only way to fix it was to confront the other person, I'd rather hold it in and keep it within. It's become such a routine, pushing issues aside so as to not create an argument or so- I used to do it in my relationships, as well as my friendships. I guess the thing about 'solving' problems this way is that nothing is really solved- the unresolved issue hangs in the air and it can cause resentment to build up. One other thing I do is I hide behind others- my friends, my family- and get them to solve things for me. Which really is pretty childish. Recently however, I've started letting myself confront issues and it's been going okay so far. I haven't ruined any friendships by letting myself be completely honest, which is what I've always been afraid of. I'm also starting to learn not to hide behind my friends- I'm a big girl now, I should be able to face my own demons.
2. Your resolve may break, and that's okay.
Going to UK, I've done things I told myself I wouldn't do. For instance, I promised myself I wouldn't touch alcohol while I was there and well, fat chance of that now. To be honest, I don't regret it- most of our funnest nights in Leicester were our casual drinking nights. But that doesn't mean that I've completely forgotten the resolution. Instead, I've updated it a little- I know my limits and I try not to surpass that. I'm not saying that making excuses for breaking your resolutions is a good thing, but everyone makes mistakes, so learn from them. Fall once, fall twice, fall better (If I'm not mistaken this actually is a phrase). Learn to be okay with failing once in a while, don't beat yourself up about it, and move on.
3. People will hurt you, that doesn't mean you should hurt them back.
There's a verse in the bible that goes
You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.' But I say to you, do not resist an evil person, but whosoever slaps you on the right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. (Matthew 5:38-45)
Fighting fire with fire never works, in the end both individuals will end up scathed. And well, that's how wars begin- do you really want your life to be a warzone? There are so many other ways to deal with people who've hurt you that don't involve exacting revenge - confrontation, avoidance, etc. With that, forgiveness. Forgiveness is difficult, but it's the only way to free not just them, but more importantly, yourself. Why would you keep all that resentment within when you can be free of it all? Remember that revenge is in God's hands, or well, that karma bites back.
4. Sometimes, support is all you need.
At times, when you share your problems with someone, you seek advice. Other times, all you need is support. I believe, most people already know what they should do, they just need that little push for them to take that little step. It's not that advice and the occasional nagging doesn't help, sometimes we need that as well, but a small 'We believe in you' or 'We have your back no matter what' is worth so much more. This was particularly evident last Sunday morning when the mafias (xidiots- pending) were having our open talk. I've been dealing with something for quite a while now, and I knew what I had to do, but I couldn't convince myself it was the right thing to do. I was delaying and putting it off, because I just wasn't sure. But the support and love (puke puke) I got that night, that was my catalyst- I did what I had to do and things are improving. So now I'd just like to give a shout out to the people who've been my pillars - the mafias (lazy la wanna list one by one, y'all know who you are anyways), Jason Ling, Ching Siau Chian, Eugene Goh, Phoebe Tan, Zhia Lim, Jason Cheong, Ng Lean Loong. Sin Wai Kit. Thank you, thank you, thank you :')
5. If people want to leave, let them.
I've said this once before, 'People who really matter will fight not only to stay in your life, but to be part of it.' Friendship is a two way thing; there can't be only one person who's putting in effort while the other person doesn't bother. Why waste all your efforts if they aren't reciprocated? Sadly, you can't keep all the friends you have, so choose wisely- choose the people whom you know want you in their lives for better or for worse. I, for one, rather have few friends whom I know will fight for what we have, instead of many, many friends who can walk away just as easily as they entered.
Maybe some people may disagree with whatever I've written, but that's okay. We can't always be right, I guess. But hey, I'm still learning; :)
No comments:
Post a Comment