oh and thank you to KEVIN too :D

hari, sarah, and ?? (i know who you are),

thanks a bunch! i love you guys :)

dear -.-'

GET LOST.

gahhhh, i smell something burning.


oh, wait. it's just my brain.

uncle, i'll miss you :(

i'll miss your jokes, 

i'll miss your stories,

i'll miss you randomly buying me stuff,

i'll miss your voice,

i'll miss you :(

the last time i saw you, i didn't even manage to say goodbye.

you always said that you wanted to see me graduate.

to see me work and save people's lives,

you wanted to see me succeed.

why did you stop fighting? 

don't you know, i miss you?

i didn't get to tell you this; but just so you know, i love you. 

i was supposed to go to sch today. in fact, i was LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.


woke up today morning, bathed, had my breakfast, etc.
then, my mum suddenly had a fit, and decided that SHE'S NOT GONNA SEND ME TO SCH TODAY -.-'
and she practically locked me in the house. GAH! :(


i wanna go to sch so badly :(

for a minute, i thought i was strong.
if i am, why am i breaking down again?

i guess i was wrong.

i hate hitz.fm ;(

why is it that the radio stations are playing all the sad songs today? ;(

lynn's story

SUNDAY, MAY 2, 2010

this post is dedicated to a blinded girl and a noble guy

upcoming post will sound dumb but heck, idc :)


once upon a time, in a far away kingdom, theres a princess. she has always been waiting for a knight in shining armour to catch her in his arms and live happily ever after. day and night, she will daydream about her 'face-less' prince charming.

and so one fine day, while she was picking berries in a nearby forest, she saw a prince. very handsome i'd say, he was riding on his horse. and bam, she was in love with him. she thought, 'hey, this is my white horse prince charming'. sadly the prince didnt feel the same way towards her, she was sad, very sad. her heart was shattered. she moved on though.

oh i forgot the most important bit, the princess has a servant. her servant is her rant pole, her box of secrets and most importantly her bestfriend :) btw, the servant is a guy. the servant is secretly in love with the princess. she didnt knew it at first but she had a hunch, and her hunch was right :) i guess its an unrequited love when the princess doesnt love the servant back. he was her bestfriend and never she expected that to happen. he was totally fine with it though.

few months passed, again she was picking berries in the forest. and AGAIN, she saw a guy. this time he aint a prince, hes a very talented artist. very talented. but this time, she wasnt keen in liking this dude, it was a 'ok ok la' kind of situation. the princess and the artist became close after some time and the artist realize hes in love with the princess. the artist told the servant boy and let me say this, the servant boy STUPIDLY told the princess. after hearing what he said, she too fell in love with the artist. but, after a few days the artist realized that, 'hey i dont think i love her'. the princess found out.

and again, the princess became very very very sad. very sad indeed, her heart shattered into a million gazillion pieces again. the servant boy was really sad too. he tried to comfort her, but i guess it didnt work. he wanted to make her feel better but he couldnt.

the story stops here :)

dear princess,
you're blinded by a thick thick mist.
but to you silly girl, the thick mist is something very beautiful.
if you try to open your eyes bigger and search for a clear view.
you'll realize the view infront of you without the mist is something VERY beautiful.
the person whos been caring for you ALL THE WHILE is the beautiful scenery im talking about.
you just dont realize that, the person is the one that cares most for you.

the prince and the artist aint the 'knight in shining armour', maybe the servant aint too but what im trying to imply here is, in your deepest darkest moment, you still have a person that cares for you and not hurt you like what mr princey and mr artisty did.
but again princess, its still your choice to just admire it or build your castle at the beautiful secenery :)

the ending is for the princess to decide :)
when its decided, perhaps i will post it over here

to my 3 darlings,
thanks for everything,
without you, i don't know where i'd be right now.


thanks for always being there for me;
for lending me your shoulder, for me to cry on;
for trying. always trying. to make me smile, when i don't feel like it;
for making me see;
for laughter;
for caring. so much;
and for giving me the greatest gift of all: your friendship, and your love :)


you guys mean the world to me :)

jannah's reaction when she got the ball <3

and, after sch. jannah's party. her house. cupcakes, pizza. snap.

i don't wanna know
if you're playing me, keep it on the low
cause my heart can't take it anymore 
and if you're creepin, please don't let it show
oh baby, i don't wanna know

ishraf: what is vector quantity?
shman; IT HAS FORCE (with full confidence)
ishraf: BAGUSSS! BERDIRI.

it was raining just now. 

maybe the sky's feeling the way i do.

if you're trying to hurt m,. i'll give you my congratulations. you're succeeding. tremendously.

can you be any crueler?

silence.

 that's all i hear. that's all there is.

every time we talk, i wish i could tell you what i really want to say. instead of holding back everything :/

to think i was happy.


crushed hopes and broken dreams;
that was a slap in the face.

my body's aching all over. i was so tired, so sleepy, in sch today. i think most of the prefects were the same. theeb, hari and i kept falling asleep in zuhriah's class -.- and i slept throughout add math, although mr. ashman raziuddin was busy trying to bug me. this definitely shows how tired i was :O

prefects camp

day 1
berkumpul at sch at 5.15. pendaftaran, and we were put into groups. andrew, hazwan, me, hari, and evo are all in separate groups. gr. no fair. what's more, i don't really know anyone in my group, except thivya and parameswari. uh. i was in group 7 and the group name was RAMBO. LOL. ahha. hazwan's in group 10 (super banana), evo's in group 6 (sun-j) XD, hari's in group 2, and andrew's in group 1. thennn, uh. got our dorms, the classrooms. i'm sleeping between para and evo. evo's on my right, and para's on my left. meanwhile, hazwan, hari, andrew and harshana had to share a camp. i laughed like crap at that. 'hahaha, harshana, the 3 of them'll rape you tonight!' ahha. at night, had ceramah from datin. -.-' and after thaaaaat, we had activities, like creating the team flag and cheer, etc. ours was gay.

go rambo, go rambo

HA. HA.

we are strong, we are strong

HO. HO.

GOOOO RAMBO!

-.-'

i like group 10's cheer:

cut banana. cut cut banana

cook banana. cook cook banana

eat banana. eat eat banana

got banana? (mukhzin shows off his muslces)

we were given eggs to take care of as well. 3 eggs. 2 broke :( sigh. the last egg, i kept. after thaaaat, got scolded by teachers for about an hour. STANDING and getting scolded for an hour. my back ached, and my feet hurt. pu3 hazirah actually came and asked me if i was alright. but i told her that i was. HELL NO AM I GONNA GIVE UP. i ain't gonna be like those type of people. i'm not gonna go out. and the only way i'll go out is if i faint. night walk. walked around kubah and gah, it was tiring. slept at about 1.

saturday

woke up at 5. batheddd. uh uh, for non-muslims, debate between guys and girls. the topic? guys and girls, who's more suitable to be head prefect? and hell yeah, this was awesome. i had ideas, and as you know, i LOVE arguing. especially when after i argue, the guys get stunned. yeah, that happened :)

i was wrongg. turns out, instead of the 3 guys raping harshana, harshana bugged andrew and hari till they couldn't sleep by singing twinkle twinkle little star and poking them. -.-

got punished because we lost our flag while sleeping at night. oh well. exercise, breakfast, ceramah. 

thenn, crappy work. we had to prepare our own lunch. our group, combined with group 4, had to cook eggs. since there was no pan, we had to boil them. which was okay. i was bored, since about 2O PEOPLE were already working on the eggs. i had nothing to do. so yeah, me, harshana, hari and hazwan talked. and i suggested truth or dare. immediately, harshana dared hazwan to slap me. and he really did. :( i saw his hand coming, but i thought that he wouldn't do it. so, i didn't even flinch. and he did :( i got a shock, and i was really really hurt. hazwan, harshana and hari were like, 'it's just a slap, come on.' WHATT?! just a slap?! it still isn't funny.and yeah, to prove his point, harshana slapped me TOO.  since they said it was just a slap, i showed them (harshana and hazwan) that i could slap back. and guess what? THEY MOVED BACKWARDS, AND RAN OFF. wth?! so, i merajuked la. i didn't wanna talk to any of them, and hazwan just continued doing his job, which was sweeping the floor. meanwhile, hari and harshana tried to get me to talk. and talk i did. i yelled, and i told them off. hari was like, 'hazwan was wrong, but i couldn't say it in front of him' and when i asked why, he said KEJANTANAN. i was so pissed. so i went off and helped the group. and yeah, this part? our KETUA left the flag, and yeah. again. denda. it wasn't even our fault. it was the GROUP LEADER. he asked for the flag from mimi and i, and then, he just put it at the side. and when we got scolded, he didn't even say anything. even when azim was saying about how our team has no teamwork, and that the GROUP LEADER shouldn't take care of the flag himself and bla bla bla. azim practically blamed US for losing the flag, and praised our leader. GR. so i got even more pissed, and i didn't wanna eat (it was lunchtime) , and i didn't wanna talk to anyone. but i got forced to eat, so yeah. i had to eat. and even in groups, i was sitting really really near to hazwan during that time. usually, we would make eye signals to each other and talk, but this time, i didn't even talk to him. not a single word. after lunch, he apologized and asked if i was mad. as usual, i'm TOO NICE and i just let him off the hook. 'i'm still mad at you. just a little.' cleaned up, etc etc. hung out at the guys' camp, and hazwan apologized again. he explained that he was apologizing because evo scolded him, saying that 'that's not a nice thing to do'. i misunderstood. i thought that he only apologized because of evo, and not because he was sincere. so, i asked him. later. turns out, the first time he apologized, it was sincere. and after that, then only evo scolded him -.-' so he apologized again. 

then, ceramah by faisal. 

can't remember what happened after that, but oh well. 

hm. at one part, they asked for two girls to volunteer from each group, and para pushed me out. with her. guess why? we had to clean chickens -.-

prepared for performanceeeee. 

helped hari and hazwan and evo to barbecue the chickens. practiced performance.

dinner (barbecue) and then, performances. ours was okay, i guess. the best was evo's group. SANJAAAAY XD

slept at 12.

sunday

we were woken up at 2AM. WTH?! turns out, they were doing the same thing as last year. the one where they blindfold you, drag you around, pull you away from your teammates, and put you at a random spot. this year, they had a password, which is KAMBING WARNA PELANGI. if you don't remember, you won't be able to go back. they'll just leave you there. kononnya lah. this time, i'm sure that i was put at the kerb at the carpark. when they put me there, they were still settling other people. i heard evo screaming, 'amin, I'LL NEVER LET YOU GO!' ;D i laughed the crap outta myself. i was bored, so i sang songs to myself. lol. during the whole wait, we kept yelling out the password at random times, so that we'd remember. when one person yells, everyone yells. haha :) half an hour after waiting, i remembered something: i told  hazwan about this. and he was scared. so, he was scared -.-' he said that, if we did get this, he'd yell 'E4' and see if anyone answers him. so yeah, that's what i did -.- but no one answered :( frigging firdayu. i knew she was around. and every time people yelled 'kambing warna pelangi', she'll say something like. KAMBING WARNA HITAM. then, i'll answer her back. i'll be like. MANA ADA. and then, she'll say 'kambing warna hitam ada?' i'll say 'TAK ADA LAH' XD LOL. idk why, some people don't get disturbed and some people do. i was the ones who got disturbed. from front, from behind. by two people at one time -.-' behind me was a plant, i didn't know. so when i wanted to slap the person behind, i scratched myself at the tree. 

finished at 4. and they gave us rehat till 5. by the time i changed clothes and tied my hair, it was already 4.15. i went down and talked to the guys outside their tent (yes, they slept outside on their sleeping beds. under the stars. like i said, it rained yesterday, so their tent was wet) the guys really didn't hear my e4. AND HARI WAS NEAR TO ME. -.-' how could he not hear?! oh well. andrew and hazwan didn't even kena kacau :( 

at around 5.40, the guys went off to change. evo and i slept at their spots, their sleeping bags. we thought that it'll only be 20 mins, so it'll be alright. evo slept on hari's, i slept on hazwan's. i woke at 5.50 when elyas said 'asal ada perempuan kat sini?!' and hari was like 'diamlah, tengok? you dah bangunkan mereka'. i went back to sleep after hari promised me that he would wake me up when we had to kumpul. 

andddddd. i woke up to the sound of aisyah waking up the muslims, to go for prayers. IT WAS 6. I GOT A SHOCK. turns out, almost everyone was sleeping at 5, so tak jadi. then, realisation hit me: I WAS SLEEPING ON THE GUYS' SPOTS. OMG! WHERE DID THEY SLEEP? DID THEY EVEN SLEEP? OMG OMG :( then, andrew came. turns out, the guys were sleeping at the stage. harshana and hari, at least. hazwan already went off for prayers. i walked there to get them to sleep back at their spots, but they looked so peaceful, i tak sanggup wake them up. so, i moved and slept at the stage. evo came soon after. then, hazwan came out from solat. and we talked, and i slept. talked, and then took a litle nap, then talked. and yeah, the sky was beautiful. it was a crescent moon, with only ONE star. and the star's directly under the moon. sigh :) yeah. i slept on the stage floor. and yeah, now my body is aching. especially my shoulders. sigh :( AND ONE THING: I SLEPT WITH OUR EGG :O my baby :) plus, i finally got my wish of sleeping under the stars :) *atleast, one star ;D

after some other stuffs, they had football. so yeah, our team vs kamal's team. our team, 3 girls and 3 guys. kamal's team? 4 guys, 2 girls. and guess what? we won. for girls, my team had me, para and thivya. kamal's team included him and kadir. heh. i kept going after the both of them, trying to snatch the ball. kadir was quite annoyed, i think XD after a goal from me, which was a penalty kick (IT WAS AWESOME! IT WENT IN SO NICELY <3 ) and a goal from the other team, it was 1-1. so it went into penalty kicks. i scored once, (ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL ONE. SERIOUSLY.) and arief scored the other. the other team missed once, and we won :) i was feeling proud :) people kept complimjenting me, including julian and harshana. even mukhzin said, 'CARA YOU TENDANG CANTIK' in an awe-ish manner ;D hazwan was like, wow jas, you were playing aggresiveeee O: heh. and he kept calling me 'torres' from that point -.-
after that, the facilitators had a game against the top-scoring group (evo's) and since they didn't have enough people, hanis chose me to join their team. I WAS HONOURED O: but frigging arief took away my chance, he was like 'CAMNE BOLEH AMBIK STAR WEHHH?' it was kinda honour-ish, but yeah. goneeeee, my chance. but ain got substituted, cause she fell, and i went in.but i didn't get to score the goal :( sighhhh. i wasn't feeling too bad about it though, cause we would've lost anyway. evo's team already had 3 goals, and there was only about 2 mins left. -.-'
the shocking-est part was, some random guy actually came to me and said, 'KEREK LAH BOLEH MAIN BOLA' -.-' i was like, wth? i didn't even say anythinggggg -.-

afterwards, we had something like treasure hunt, or explorace. smth like that la. and our team actually got into the top 5. top 5 will go for another round, to see who wins. we actually were in the lead, just that we were confused at one point -.-' we didn't even have to kena simbah air, since we didn't make any mistakes :) so yeah. we came in 4th. then, the other teams came and they said that someone cheated, and tore of the rest of the clues. so, they couldn't get the clue. which then MADE US DISQUALIFIED. us, the top 5 DISQUALIFIED. i was so disappointed :( our team worked so hardddd :(
oh well.

add in:
11th may:
lol KADIR TOLD QABIR AND QABIR TOLD JASON THAT 'YOUR SISTER IS A GOOD FOOTBALL PLAYER!' HEE ;D

i'm exhausted. my body's aching. i'm terribly sleepy. 
overall, it was fun :)

currently, packing for camp :)

celebrated shman's birthday. we had an early celebration, for two reasons:
so that ashman won't suspect much, and because next week is really close to exam :O


so yeah. we went to domino's. it was so easy to get ashman to follow us. i just told him that 'shmannn, later, lynn and i are going to 7 eleven to get slurpees. hazwan, sehran and andrew are coming too.' i didn't even get to finish my sentence, and shman just cut in, saying 'go 7 eleven tak ajak me la now? fine, fineee' and MISSION ACCOMPLISHED ;D and to think that we were fretting over it so much -.-' evo couldn't come though, same goes to sehran and andrew :( lynn and jannah wanted to go back and change before coming, so they went off in lynn's car. so, i walked with hazwan, ashman and hari. again, the only girl among the guys. freaks -.- ashman kept saying 'wow, jas. you actually trust us? what if we do something to you?' or something of the sort -.- damn gay mannn -.-' but i'm already used to hanging out with them, so yeah -_-

when we reached d'bayu, hazwan turned on ashman and said something like, 'shman, we're not going to 7 eleven. we're celebrating your birthday!' and we pushed shman all the way into domino's XD soon, lynn, jannah and leek came. when the pizza came, we sang 'happy birthday' to the birthday boy :D REAL LOUDLY. we were supposed to sing for ashman, then jannah, then leek, but turns out we only did it for ashman. cause, people actually joined in when we sang (the place was full of students -.- ) also, we had toast, chinese-style. you knowww, the yaaaaam seng thingy? XD we had to do it twice, since the first time failed. everyone was laughing XD especially the hazwan and ashman, since it was their first time, i think XD we were all trying to cover face, it was agak embarassing -.-

gave ashman his present. there, i wrote a note saying 'happy birthday, shman! here's something that looks exactly like you!' XD when he found out that the doo doo doll's name is blur blur, he was like, WHY ME? ISN'T IT SUPPOSED TO BE PENG?! (leek) haha XD
also, lynn poured out TWO packets of chilli flakes on ashman's slice of pizza, siao. :D

then, walked back home. someone actually got another someone to buy her an ice cream -.-' mengadaaa. everyone was rushing, and i was left behind with ashman, who was having tummy pain because he ate too much -___-

prefects meeting. lateeeee. evo was pissed at me :(
tmrw's camp, yaaaay! :)

http://selchess.blogspot.com/2010/04/gambar-gambar-di-kejohanan-msss-2010.html

'i'm a bug magnet, mann!'
- lynn

:)

today?


i'm ;(


sick. flu, cough, sore throat. horrid :(
people keep misunderstanding my being quiet as being emo -.-' i'm not, i'm just sick. talking makes my throat hurt :(


so, yeah. other than that, i'm okay :) 
i'm happy :)


just one thing though; am i in denial? :/

now everything's in a mess again.
i don't know what to do. step to the left, or step to the right.
i just wish life were simple,
and there were rewind buttons for every mistake that you would make.

i'm sorry, but i get emotional easily.

i'm smiling, and i'm laughing. that means i'm back to being myself :)

jas, jas. you like to hurt yourself even more, don't you?

i was happy. I WAS HAPPY.
one moment i was happy. the next i was just crushed.


well, i guess i should thank you for that. you made me realise.


i wish you knew what you've done.

i wish i could just tell you. 

i wish i didn't have to see you

i wish i could just stop. 

stop crying. stop caring.

god, can you please, for once, grant me my wishes? i'm hurt. i don't know what to do about it, cause there really isn't nothing i can do. these tears just keep coming, it seems like they just don't wanna stop. so, please?

better yet, please turn back time. 

jas, you stupid, naive little girl. you always make the same mistake. always. when are you ever gonna learn?!
i know, i know. why am i always the fool? 

i always say to myself, 'i won't be so stupid the next time'. yeah, right. time and time again, i let my stupidity take over me. i think with my heart, and i don't think with my mind. somehow, i just never learn. now, this is what i get, for not listening to advice.


i wish i could talk to someone about it. but i can't. and, i know what people will say. and i just don't wanna hear those words of advice. i just need time. i'm done with this. i'm done. i'm done.


the laptop screen is just a blur. i can't even see what i'm typing anymore. 
my eyes are swollen from crying.

i wish these tears would just stop falling. 
i've cried so much, there shouldn't be any tears anymore.

lynn says that crying makes her feel better. alas, i don't feel the same way.

lets just say that i cried myself to sleep last night 

and the tears are still falling, even now.

looks like i just got fooled again.
it's times like this that i wish i could just go back to hurting myself.
instead of letting others hurt me.
i might as well but a sticker on my forehead that says, 'hey, i'm real easy to fool.'

this is hard.


am i making the right choice, or am i not?
everyone seems to be against it, but i don't know why.


should i follow my instincts, my emotions, or listen to others?
i just don't wanna be hurt again :/


sometimes i just wish my heart was made out of stone.

i'm having bruises at my leg, the part where sehran/ashman's knee hit me yesterday. :(

the moon's so bright nowadays,
it's just so beautiful to watch, to look at.


sometimes i wish that i could sit and watch it all night, with someone sitting beside me,
it gets so lonely sometimes.
hm. i wonder, if i make a wish, will it come true?

come on, jas. quit daydreaming already. it won't happen.