I've spent the last 1/2 hr laughing at everyone else's posts and cringing at my own.
Then I realised- how precious it is, that the same people I posted about years ago, are the same people I've spent the last few hours with?
Tuesday, June 3, 2025
03/06/2025
Just got back from a mamak sesh with the Mafias, where we rediscovered our old blogs thanks to Leek.
Thursday, February 15, 2018
It Is Better to have Loved and Lost,
... than never to have loved at all.
- Alfred Lord Tennyson
Just went out with a bunch of my friends & I just felt compelled to pen this down for my sake, so that one day I can look back & remember this.
Today, I am proud to say that I am filled with an all-consuming love. That I love someone so deeply with all my heart, with everything I have & everything I am. I am proud to say that I am giving this my all, that I am not putting in any less than 100%, out of fear.
Because I am afraid. If this goes to hell, it would break my heart, maybe my spirit. It would tear me up inside, & it could ruin me. It will be the most difficult thing I'd ever have to bear, to date. It would be like free-falling without knowing if there's a safety net at the end.
I am afraid, but I have faith. I have faith in him, & I have faith in us. I will love with all I've got, because I know no other way. And because he deserves it.
Tuesday, July 18, 2017
Rose-tinted Glasses No More
I was walking down a busy street just a while ago, heading home after an ENT clinic in hospital. I had earphones in my ears, and I was thinking about what to cook for dinner. I barely noticed as a car drove by, when suddenly, water splashed all over my left side. My first thought that a car had driven into a puddle but I looked around and there weren't any around- it had been completely sunny the past few days. It also didn't make sense because if it had been from a puddle, the water would've splashed below my waist level and instead the water had hit my face first, and my clothes after.
It hit me then. Someone had probably driven by, and as a sick joke, thought that splashing water on me would be a great idea. I'm pretty certain it was the people in the car I saw, but I guess I'll never know for sure. I stood there, trying to wipe myself dry, and the best part is, no one even offered to help. People passed by, some had likely seen what happened, and no one did anything, which kind of made me feel worse.
It's hard to explain how upset I feel, but I was nearly in tears then. I'm home now, and I don't feel any less upset. I've had a shower. I lathered myself with soap more times than I could count, and I scrubbed until my skin feels raw, but I still feel dirty. I can still feel all the areas where I was splashed, and it kinda feels like I've been marked. Honestly, if I could strip off those areas of my skin, I would.
I don't want to think this was racially inclined, I wouldn't be surprised if it were. The passengers in the car and myself, we're of different skin colour anyway. I sound racist myself, but I've had more than my fair share of racism, be it in Malaysia or in the UK. Or maybe I'm wrong, maybe they're just jerks and they saw an opportunity to mess with some poor person.
I'm not a skeptic, trust me. I believe people are truly good, and sometimes, people make mistakes. When someone does something bad, I come up with reasons to excuse/explain their behaviour. I've been called 'naive' time and time again, heck, I've even been called 'stupid' because of this. Just ask Don- we've had arguments over him snapping at a kid who said something rude to us.
But right now? I'm disappointed. And sad. I can't think of a single excuse for what happened to me. Maybe people are right, maybe I am too naive. Maybe people act like jerks just because they can.
The world is getting more messed up day by day, and people have got to change. I'm tired of dealing with shit like this.
It hit me then. Someone had probably driven by, and as a sick joke, thought that splashing water on me would be a great idea. I'm pretty certain it was the people in the car I saw, but I guess I'll never know for sure. I stood there, trying to wipe myself dry, and the best part is, no one even offered to help. People passed by, some had likely seen what happened, and no one did anything, which kind of made me feel worse.
It's hard to explain how upset I feel, but I was nearly in tears then. I'm home now, and I don't feel any less upset. I've had a shower. I lathered myself with soap more times than I could count, and I scrubbed until my skin feels raw, but I still feel dirty. I can still feel all the areas where I was splashed, and it kinda feels like I've been marked. Honestly, if I could strip off those areas of my skin, I would.
I don't want to think this was racially inclined, I wouldn't be surprised if it were. The passengers in the car and myself, we're of different skin colour anyway. I sound racist myself, but I've had more than my fair share of racism, be it in Malaysia or in the UK. Or maybe I'm wrong, maybe they're just jerks and they saw an opportunity to mess with some poor person.
I'm not a skeptic, trust me. I believe people are truly good, and sometimes, people make mistakes. When someone does something bad, I come up with reasons to excuse/explain their behaviour. I've been called 'naive' time and time again, heck, I've even been called 'stupid' because of this. Just ask Don- we've had arguments over him snapping at a kid who said something rude to us.
But right now? I'm disappointed. And sad. I can't think of a single excuse for what happened to me. Maybe people are right, maybe I am too naive. Maybe people act like jerks just because they can.
The world is getting more messed up day by day, and people have got to change. I'm tired of dealing with shit like this.
Monday, June 26, 2017
Thoughts
Today, I found two boxes.
Two very, very special boxes.
It's been 4 years since I left home to study in the UK, and you'd think that I'd be used to being here by now. But truth be told, I haven't. Sure, the overwhelming feelings of homesickness, of waking up in the middle of the night in tears from nightmares are long gone, but as with everything else in life, I get bad days. They're not as often now, as you'd imagine. Leicester's somewhere I'm comfortable in, & having Don with me definitely makes it feel more like home.
But every so often, I wake up dreading going out- because I don't want to remember that I'm not home. Malaysia home. They're days when I walk on the street and wish that the faces I see weren't so.. foreign. When I hear the people speaking and I try to block them out. To be back home, to be able to walk around without feeling like I don't belong, to hear language spoken in the familiar accent only Malaysians understand.
Today was one of those days. But I remembered these boxes, filled with things important enough to bring over all the way from Malaysia to UK. I rummaged through my cabinet, found them hiding in the back away from plain sight & pulled them out. I sat down on the floor and went through the contents one at a time.
Things from my high school years, my college years, and even my uni years (although there's still another year to go, fingers crossed). Scribbles from classes when we probably should've been paying attention, doodles, notes passed around, little trinkets, gifts from friends, letters and cards from friends. And my favourite: two scrapbooks made for me by my bestest of friends. Made by people who truly love me and whom I miss dearly. Reminders of how I'm never alone, despite 1728634281934 miles between us, they'll always have my back.
So today, right now, I am thankful. I am thankful for friends to call my own. I am thankful for my boxes.
Two very, very special boxes.
It's been 4 years since I left home to study in the UK, and you'd think that I'd be used to being here by now. But truth be told, I haven't. Sure, the overwhelming feelings of homesickness, of waking up in the middle of the night in tears from nightmares are long gone, but as with everything else in life, I get bad days. They're not as often now, as you'd imagine. Leicester's somewhere I'm comfortable in, & having Don with me definitely makes it feel more like home.
But every so often, I wake up dreading going out- because I don't want to remember that I'm not home. Malaysia home. They're days when I walk on the street and wish that the faces I see weren't so.. foreign. When I hear the people speaking and I try to block them out. To be back home, to be able to walk around without feeling like I don't belong, to hear language spoken in the familiar accent only Malaysians understand.
Today was one of those days. But I remembered these boxes, filled with things important enough to bring over all the way from Malaysia to UK. I rummaged through my cabinet, found them hiding in the back away from plain sight & pulled them out. I sat down on the floor and went through the contents one at a time.
Things from my high school years, my college years, and even my uni years (although there's still another year to go, fingers crossed). Scribbles from classes when we probably should've been paying attention, doodles, notes passed around, little trinkets, gifts from friends, letters and cards from friends. And my favourite: two scrapbooks made for me by my bestest of friends. Made by people who truly love me and whom I miss dearly. Reminders of how I'm never alone, despite 1728634281934 miles between us, they'll always have my back.
So today, right now, I am thankful. I am thankful for friends to call my own. I am thankful for my boxes.
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Lots & Lots of Quotes
I was going through previous posts (as always), and I came to a realisation that I really do have certain periods of feeling low, meh. & I'm super depressing when I feel low fml.
But I digress. I've been clearing out some photos & I've found so many quotes I've taken pictures of, but have yet to post up. So here goes!
(Also, my Iceland trip post is in the works, so stay tuned!)
The Flavours of Love, Dorothy Koomson
Revelations this huge should be delivered straight away - you can comfort and cosset the blow afterwards, the preamble takes the listener to all sorts of places they don't need to visit before fully receiving the news.
Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
Most things are forgotten over time. Even the war itself, the life-and-death struggle people went through is now like something from the distant past. We're so caught up in our everyday lives that events of the past, like ancients stars that have burnt out, no longer in orbit about our minds. There are just too many things we have to think about every day, too many new things to learn... But still, no matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away. They remain with us forever, like a touchstone.
And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it may be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your own hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.
Where Rainbows End, Cecilia Ahern
Anyway, my point is, I don't want to be one of those easily forgotten people, so important at the time, so special, so influential and so treasured, yet years later just a vague face and a distant memory.
Lone Wolf, Jodi Picoult
Hope and reality lie in inverse proportions inside the walls of a hospital... Doubt is like dye. Once it spreads into the fabric of excuses you've woven, you'll never get rid of the stain.
The Woman He Loved Before, Dorothy Koomson
It's good to have things that you love. They keep you grounded, make you realise how much you have to lose. It's good to love people. But if you don't have anyone you can truly give your heart to, then having something that means the world to you can often act as a good stand-in.
It soon became apparent that happiness shouldn't be a destination in your life. It should be part of the journey of your life... Putting everything on hold to achieve the one thing you think will make you happy will actually mean that you're miserable along the way to getting there, and when you get there, you might find that the thing you wanted doesn't make you as happy as you thought it would. Or worse, you've completely forgotten how to be happy.
Will Grayson, Will Grayson, John Green
Love is always a miracle, everywhere, every time. But for us, it's a little different. I don't want to say it's more miraculous. It is, though.
When you date someone, you have the markers along the way, right: You kiss, you have The Talk, you say the Three Little Words, you sit on a swing set and break up. You can plot the points on a graph. And you check up with each other along the way: Can I do this? If I say this will you say it back?
But with friendship, there's nothing like that. Being in a relationship, that's something you choose. Being friends, that's just something you are.
I'd pick you. Fuck it, I do pick you. I want you to come over to my house in twenty years with your dude and your adopted kids and I want our fucking kids to hang out and I want to, like, drink wine and talk about the Middle East or whatever the fuck we're gonna want to do when we're old. We've been friends too long to pick, but if we could pick, I'd pick you.
I just think if you don't say the honest thing, sometimes the honest thing never becomes true.
I think about how much depends upon a best friend. When you wake up in the morning you swing your legs out of bed and you put your feet on the ground and you stand up. You don't scoot to the edge of the bed to make sure the floor is there. The floor is always there. Until it's not.
I will admit there's a certain degree of giving a fuck that goes into not giving a fuck: By saying you don't care if the world falls apart, in some small way you're saying you want it to stay together, on your terms.
When things break, it's not the actual breaking that prevents them from getting back together again. It's because a little piece gets lost - the two remaining ends couldn't fit together even if they wanted to. The whole shape has changed.
Hang me
like a dead rose
Preserve me
and my petals won't fall
until you touch them
and I dissolve.
Not all flowers
depend on light
to grow.
You like someone who can't like you back because unrequited love can be survived in a way that once-requited love cannot.
I feel like my life is so scattered right now. Like it's all these small pieces of paper and someone's turned on the fan. But talking to you makes me feel like the fan's been turned off for a little bit. Like things could actually make sense. You completely unscatter me, and I appreciate that so much.
Keeper of the Light, Diane Chamberlain
How would it feel, paying someone to ease the pain of a body suffering from neglect?
Sing You Home, Jodi Picoult
Everyone who's gay has had the unfortunate circumstance of falling for someone who's not. The first time it happens, you think I can change her. I know her better than she knows herself. And invariably, you are left with a broken relationship and an even more broken heart. The straight equivalent, in a way, is the woman who's sure that the guy she loves - the one who beats her every night - will eventually stop. The bottom line in both cases is that people don't change; that no matter how charming you are and how fiercely you love, you cannot turn a person into someone she's not.
Believe me, being gay is not a choice. No one would choose to make life harder than it has to be, and no matter how confident and comfortable a gay person is, he and she can't control the thoughts of others.
Every life has a soundtrack... If you ask me, music is the language of memory.
Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet, Jamie Ford
But now, deep down, Henry wanted to tell his son everything. How seemingly unfair life was in retrospect, and how remarkable it was that they'd all just accepted what they had and made the best of it.
But choosing to lovingly care for her was like steering a plane into a mountain as gently as possible. The crash is imminent; it's how you spend your time on the way down that counts.
But in the end, each of them occupied a solitary grave. Alone forever. It didn't matter who your neighbours were. They didn't talk back.
How to Fall in Love, Cecilia Ahern
I understood everyone's confusion and inability to believe me. It had a lot to do with how well I had hidden my unhappiness and it had everything to do with my timing.
Before I Fall, Lauren Oliver
I've never really though about it before, but it's a miracle how many kinds of light there are in the world, how many skies: the pale brightness of spring, when it feels like the whole world is blushing; the lush bright boldness of a July noon; purple storm skies and a green queasiness just before lightning strikes and crazy multicoloured sunsets that look like someone's acid trip.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Also:
My poor heart is sentimental
Not made of wood
I got it bad and that ain't good
- Duke Ellington, 1941
The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.
- Nelson Mandela
All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.
- T. E. Lawrence
That's all for now heh. Just rows & rows of quotes. Currently working on my Iceland trip video & post. Hopefully I should be done soon!
Till then! :)
But I digress. I've been clearing out some photos & I've found so many quotes I've taken pictures of, but have yet to post up. So here goes!
(Also, my Iceland trip post is in the works, so stay tuned!)
The Flavours of Love, Dorothy Koomson
Revelations this huge should be delivered straight away - you can comfort and cosset the blow afterwards, the preamble takes the listener to all sorts of places they don't need to visit before fully receiving the news.
Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
Most things are forgotten over time. Even the war itself, the life-and-death struggle people went through is now like something from the distant past. We're so caught up in our everyday lives that events of the past, like ancients stars that have burnt out, no longer in orbit about our minds. There are just too many things we have to think about every day, too many new things to learn... But still, no matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away. They remain with us forever, like a touchstone.
And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it may be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your own hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.
Where Rainbows End, Cecilia Ahern
Anyway, my point is, I don't want to be one of those easily forgotten people, so important at the time, so special, so influential and so treasured, yet years later just a vague face and a distant memory.
Lone Wolf, Jodi Picoult
Hope and reality lie in inverse proportions inside the walls of a hospital... Doubt is like dye. Once it spreads into the fabric of excuses you've woven, you'll never get rid of the stain.
The Woman He Loved Before, Dorothy Koomson
It's good to have things that you love. They keep you grounded, make you realise how much you have to lose. It's good to love people. But if you don't have anyone you can truly give your heart to, then having something that means the world to you can often act as a good stand-in.
It soon became apparent that happiness shouldn't be a destination in your life. It should be part of the journey of your life... Putting everything on hold to achieve the one thing you think will make you happy will actually mean that you're miserable along the way to getting there, and when you get there, you might find that the thing you wanted doesn't make you as happy as you thought it would. Or worse, you've completely forgotten how to be happy.
Will Grayson, Will Grayson, John Green
Love is always a miracle, everywhere, every time. But for us, it's a little different. I don't want to say it's more miraculous. It is, though.
When you date someone, you have the markers along the way, right: You kiss, you have The Talk, you say the Three Little Words, you sit on a swing set and break up. You can plot the points on a graph. And you check up with each other along the way: Can I do this? If I say this will you say it back?
But with friendship, there's nothing like that. Being in a relationship, that's something you choose. Being friends, that's just something you are.
I'd pick you. Fuck it, I do pick you. I want you to come over to my house in twenty years with your dude and your adopted kids and I want our fucking kids to hang out and I want to, like, drink wine and talk about the Middle East or whatever the fuck we're gonna want to do when we're old. We've been friends too long to pick, but if we could pick, I'd pick you.
I just think if you don't say the honest thing, sometimes the honest thing never becomes true.
I think about how much depends upon a best friend. When you wake up in the morning you swing your legs out of bed and you put your feet on the ground and you stand up. You don't scoot to the edge of the bed to make sure the floor is there. The floor is always there. Until it's not.
I will admit there's a certain degree of giving a fuck that goes into not giving a fuck: By saying you don't care if the world falls apart, in some small way you're saying you want it to stay together, on your terms.
When things break, it's not the actual breaking that prevents them from getting back together again. It's because a little piece gets lost - the two remaining ends couldn't fit together even if they wanted to. The whole shape has changed.
Hang me
like a dead rose
Preserve me
and my petals won't fall
until you touch them
and I dissolve.
Not all flowers
depend on light
to grow.
You like someone who can't like you back because unrequited love can be survived in a way that once-requited love cannot.
I feel like my life is so scattered right now. Like it's all these small pieces of paper and someone's turned on the fan. But talking to you makes me feel like the fan's been turned off for a little bit. Like things could actually make sense. You completely unscatter me, and I appreciate that so much.
Keeper of the Light, Diane Chamberlain
How would it feel, paying someone to ease the pain of a body suffering from neglect?
Sing You Home, Jodi Picoult
Everyone who's gay has had the unfortunate circumstance of falling for someone who's not. The first time it happens, you think I can change her. I know her better than she knows herself. And invariably, you are left with a broken relationship and an even more broken heart. The straight equivalent, in a way, is the woman who's sure that the guy she loves - the one who beats her every night - will eventually stop. The bottom line in both cases is that people don't change; that no matter how charming you are and how fiercely you love, you cannot turn a person into someone she's not.
Believe me, being gay is not a choice. No one would choose to make life harder than it has to be, and no matter how confident and comfortable a gay person is, he and she can't control the thoughts of others.
Every life has a soundtrack... If you ask me, music is the language of memory.
Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet, Jamie Ford
But now, deep down, Henry wanted to tell his son everything. How seemingly unfair life was in retrospect, and how remarkable it was that they'd all just accepted what they had and made the best of it.
But choosing to lovingly care for her was like steering a plane into a mountain as gently as possible. The crash is imminent; it's how you spend your time on the way down that counts.
But in the end, each of them occupied a solitary grave. Alone forever. It didn't matter who your neighbours were. They didn't talk back.
How to Fall in Love, Cecilia Ahern
I understood everyone's confusion and inability to believe me. It had a lot to do with how well I had hidden my unhappiness and it had everything to do with my timing.
Before I Fall, Lauren Oliver
I've never really though about it before, but it's a miracle how many kinds of light there are in the world, how many skies: the pale brightness of spring, when it feels like the whole world is blushing; the lush bright boldness of a July noon; purple storm skies and a green queasiness just before lightning strikes and crazy multicoloured sunsets that look like someone's acid trip.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Also:
My poor heart is sentimental
Not made of wood
I got it bad and that ain't good
- Duke Ellington, 1941
The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.
- Nelson Mandela
All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.
- T. E. Lawrence
That's all for now heh. Just rows & rows of quotes. Currently working on my Iceland trip video & post. Hopefully I should be done soon!
Till then! :)
Friday, August 21, 2015
Ignorance.
'Ignorance is bliss.'
That's not an unfamiliar phrase, is it? My thoughts on this have always been quite the opposite: I've always felt that I would rather be in the know & get hurt or whatever it is, rather than be completely oblivious to what's going on.
Until recently. I accidentally stumbled onto something, eventually finding out things which I wish I'd never known. I wish I could just forget whatever I've seen and be completely and utterly unaware. It's just brought me insecurities, anxiousness, stress, and I've been really upset. And this situation I'm in, it's not exactly something I can deal with in a quick and painless manner, so I guess I'll just suck it up and hold it in for the time being.
But that doesn't stop it from being upsetting.
That doesn't stop me from being sad.
Maybe I was just too happy. Is there such a thing?
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Monday, December 29, 2014
Friday, October 31, 2014
Letter to the 13-Year-Old Me
So it just hit me, I'll be turning 20 in a few days time. The big 2-0. After this week, I can no longer call myself a teenager, oh gosh. It's not about the number, though. It's more like, ... HAHAHA I'm never good at explaining myself -____- Just feeling a little contemplative about how the years have gone by so fast (oh gosh I sound like those old aunties and uncles talking about life) & I'm just pondering about how far I've come since my teenage-hood began.
Basically, it's gotten me thinking about who I was at 13, and all the things I wish I knew then. And so begins my so-called letter.
....................................................................
Dear 13-year-old Jas,
HAHAHAHA this is weird. Why did I even think of doing this again? Okay okay, I'll try & do this properly. Let's restart.
Hi. It's 19-year-old you here. Bet you're wondering how I we turned out, right? Well, I guess we turned out okay. We're now studying at the University of Leicester, UK. Jengjengjenggggg, I bet you didn't expect that! You always thought that Australia, or New Zealand would be the place for you. So much for that, hahah. It's a long story (not really) how that changed, but you'll find out yourself soon enough. As for what we're studying, we've finally decided on Medicine.
You know what, let's skip the chitchat & get straight down to business. I honestly don't know how to start, but yet there's so many things I wish I could tell you. I could go on and on, paragraph after paragraph, but that would probably be going too far. So yeaaaaaah, let's make a list. I quite like lists now, fyi. Hahahah.
1. Things are going to be okay. Cliche, I know, but very, very important that you hold on to this. In the next few years, you're going to go through a lot. It's going to hurt badly, and there are going to be many, many days where all you want to do is curl up in bed and cry, and that's alright. It's okay to be upset, it's okay to not be okay- as long as you keep your head up & stay strong, because you will get through it all, & the sun's gonna shine again!
2. You're amazing just the way you are. I know sometimes you feel like you've to change, to be someone different so maybe, maybe, more people will like you, or etc. That's not necessary. You don't need others' approval- just keep being you, keep doing what you're doing. You're gonna be a fine lady, if I may say so myself ;)
3. I know how you look at yourself in the mirror & how you hate what you see, but believe me: you are indeed beautiful. And you're not fat. I think I need to repeat myself on that point: YOU'RE NOT FAT. You have to stop thinking that- throw that mindset out of the window, now. You're gorgeous, love- and if you won't believe anyone else, believe me, believe yourself. You're not a typical beauty, but that doesn't mean you're any less attractive than anyone else. Love yourself, please.
4. You don't always have to be the best. As this point, this is mainly going to apply to your studies, but same goes for other aspects as well. I know you've been brought up to always want to come first, to always be Number 1. That's fine, but it's okay even if you aren't. In this life, there's always going to be people better than you, and that's just something you've to learn to accept. Competitiveness is fine, but don't let it overwhelm you. As long as you've tried your best, that's good enough.
5. Believe in yourself. You ARE good enough. There's no point in others believing in you if you don't do it for yourself.
6. Hold on to God. I know you're not the strongest believer in God right now, but you'll find yourself drawing close to him soon enough. He's going to show himself in ways you never imagined. No matter what you do, always remember Him. Whether you're up or down, He's always gonna be your constant, He'll always be by your side. Draw closer and keep seeking Him.
7. Don't just believe what the world tells you. Just because everyone believes in something, doesn't mean you have to as well. Learn to see and analyse things for yourself, then come up with your own ideas and opinions. They don't always have to concur with what everyone else thinks.
8. Appreciate the people around you- they aren't going to be around forever. Spend more time with your family & friends while you still can- being miles away surely takes that away from you. Take the time to tell them how you feel, and don't be afraid to look stupid while doing so.
9. You're going to hate hearing this, but mummy and daddy are right. Not always, but in most things, they are. You probably think I've gone nuts, but trust me, I haven't. As you grow older, you'll come to see things their way. '
10. Do what makes you happy. Read. Sing. Write. Hang out with your friends. Eat. :P
11. Listen before you speak. Other people's words, their thoughts? They're just as valuable as yours.
12. You're never going to be able to please everyone.
13. You don't need that blade, put it down. It's not going to help- a temporary fix isn't going to solve your problem. Talk to your friends- Lynn, Jannah & Evo. They'll be more help, more than that blade can ever be.
14. Your smile is your best accessory. Plenty of people are gonna tell you that, but I want you to know that now. Bring that with you, wherever you go, wherever you are.
15. Do things because you want to, not because you feel obligated to. If you can't do it whole-heartedly, maybe it's best to not do it at all.
16. The world isn't always perfect, life doesn't always go the way we want it, people aren't always good. Don't let all that, make you hard. Keep seeing the positive side in things, that's the way to go :)
17. You're gonna meet a guy named Shman in Form 3. You're right, he is indeed a nerd.
18. Every relationship requires effort. If you don't put in effort, it'll just die off. You've to keep trying, keep fighting, to keep it alive.
19. You're gonna be in relationships, and while you're in them, you're gonna think you're in love. When you actually do fall in love, it's different. You'll know.
& more here.
Aaaaaand that's all for now, I guess. I hope, when you feel unsure or insecure or whatever it is, you'll take another look at this letter and it'll give you the boost you need. Not that you need any, actually. You did fine without this in the first place, hahahah.
As for me, I wish I could say that I've it all figured out. But that's not the case. There are days when I feel like I'm merely playing at being an adult, but maybe that's how everyone feels, & maybe that's how you get there.
Love,
19-year-old Jas
2. You're amazing just the way you are. I know sometimes you feel like you've to change, to be someone different so maybe, maybe, more people will like you, or etc. That's not necessary. You don't need others' approval- just keep being you, keep doing what you're doing. You're gonna be a fine lady, if I may say so myself ;)
3. I know how you look at yourself in the mirror & how you hate what you see, but believe me: you are indeed beautiful. And you're not fat. I think I need to repeat myself on that point: YOU'RE NOT FAT. You have to stop thinking that- throw that mindset out of the window, now. You're gorgeous, love- and if you won't believe anyone else, believe me, believe yourself. You're not a typical beauty, but that doesn't mean you're any less attractive than anyone else. Love yourself, please.
4. You don't always have to be the best. As this point, this is mainly going to apply to your studies, but same goes for other aspects as well. I know you've been brought up to always want to come first, to always be Number 1. That's fine, but it's okay even if you aren't. In this life, there's always going to be people better than you, and that's just something you've to learn to accept. Competitiveness is fine, but don't let it overwhelm you. As long as you've tried your best, that's good enough.
5. Believe in yourself. You ARE good enough. There's no point in others believing in you if you don't do it for yourself.
6. Hold on to God. I know you're not the strongest believer in God right now, but you'll find yourself drawing close to him soon enough. He's going to show himself in ways you never imagined. No matter what you do, always remember Him. Whether you're up or down, He's always gonna be your constant, He'll always be by your side. Draw closer and keep seeking Him.
7. Don't just believe what the world tells you. Just because everyone believes in something, doesn't mean you have to as well. Learn to see and analyse things for yourself, then come up with your own ideas and opinions. They don't always have to concur with what everyone else thinks.
8. Appreciate the people around you- they aren't going to be around forever. Spend more time with your family & friends while you still can- being miles away surely takes that away from you. Take the time to tell them how you feel, and don't be afraid to look stupid while doing so.
9. You're going to hate hearing this, but mummy and daddy are right. Not always, but in most things, they are. You probably think I've gone nuts, but trust me, I haven't. As you grow older, you'll come to see things their way. '
10. Do what makes you happy. Read. Sing. Write. Hang out with your friends. Eat. :P
11. Listen before you speak. Other people's words, their thoughts? They're just as valuable as yours.
12. You're never going to be able to please everyone.
13. You don't need that blade, put it down. It's not going to help- a temporary fix isn't going to solve your problem. Talk to your friends- Lynn, Jannah & Evo. They'll be more help, more than that blade can ever be.
14. Your smile is your best accessory. Plenty of people are gonna tell you that, but I want you to know that now. Bring that with you, wherever you go, wherever you are.
15. Do things because you want to, not because you feel obligated to. If you can't do it whole-heartedly, maybe it's best to not do it at all.
16. The world isn't always perfect, life doesn't always go the way we want it, people aren't always good. Don't let all that, make you hard. Keep seeing the positive side in things, that's the way to go :)
17. You're gonna meet a guy named Shman in Form 3. You're right, he is indeed a nerd.
18. Every relationship requires effort. If you don't put in effort, it'll just die off. You've to keep trying, keep fighting, to keep it alive.
19. You're gonna be in relationships, and while you're in them, you're gonna think you're in love. When you actually do fall in love, it's different. You'll know.
& more here.
Aaaaaand that's all for now, I guess. I hope, when you feel unsure or insecure or whatever it is, you'll take another look at this letter and it'll give you the boost you need. Not that you need any, actually. You did fine without this in the first place, hahahah.
As for me, I wish I could say that I've it all figured out. But that's not the case. There are days when I feel like I'm merely playing at being an adult, but maybe that's how everyone feels, & maybe that's how you get there.
Love,
19-year-old Jas
Monday, October 27, 2014
Speed Writing: 5 Minutes
Warning: Am a complete mess as I'm writing this. Read at your own risk.
Listening to Ed Sheeran's 'Kiss Me' right now, it's one of my favourite songs recently. But not today- all I really want to do is to just curl under my duvet and cry. I have no idea what's gotten into me today, but I just feel really ugh, if ugh were a feeling. It's just another one of those days, I guess. I had the best wake up call anyone could have, so I woke up feeling pretty okay. Had a good morning as well, cooking with Phoebe & talking to her parents & all, and then had to prepare for a presentation with the group. I was okay in the first lecture as well, just bored. Then, in group work, this wave of whatever this is, just completely overwhelmed me. Maybe it was the questions, I can't put my finger on what exactly it is, but I just felt so frustrated and annoyed and just plain upset. And that draaaaaagged through the second lecture and well, even now when I'm back home. Which is why I'm hiding out in my room now- I just don't want to upset everyone else. Maybe I'll just do what I said I wanted to.
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Conversations
Talking about a friend of mine who wasn't feeling well, then:
'Bbb I think I'm sick too'
Sick how? *shocked emoji*
Lovesick HEHEHEHEHE
Walaooooo scared me *angry emoji*
Indeed, buli itu tanda sayang ;3
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Believe.
[bih-leev]
verb (used without object), believed, believing
1. to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so.
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
It's my last night home for the next many, many few months, and as tired as I am, I really don't want to fall asleep. It's 1.43am, past midnight so well, today is the day. But I just don't want to wake up and have that realisation and let it sink in. Because you know, when you haven't slept, it still feels it's part of one day eventhough it's past midnight. I really, really don't wanna go back. I know I'm going to be okay but I know the first few days, weeks maybe, are going to be tough, having to readjust. Most importantly, I'm worried about some other things- things that I hope are going to be okay.
I feel like I've more to lose this time round, and I'm scared.
I feel like I've more to lose this time round, and I'm scared.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Blessed Beyond Belief.
On Friday, Lynn whatsapp-ed me, asking me if I was free Saturday morning. Sehran was back again, she said, & he wanted to meet up. Shman could make it as well, so the plan was to have brunch together on Saturday. Of course I said yes- I initially thought last week would be my last chance to see Sehran, and I really really wanted to spend time with Shman while he was still free, & of course, to hang with Lynn after one week away from her #clingyfriend heh :S
Part of our conversation went like this:
*Important for later
Meanwhile, I was also whatsapp-ing KFung, who sent me this:
*Also important for later
Anywaaaaaays, Lynn picked me up on Saturday, and off we went! Both Shman & Sehran had some other stuff to do apparently, so they went on their own. We were arriving at Oasis when Lynn took a wrong turn then went 'JAAAAAAS WHY NEVER TELL ME' >________> I wasn't sure of the way myself, how to tell la ish. Arrived at Tappers a while later, and Shman was already there waiting. I was about to take my seat when Shman insisted that he wanted me to sit to his left (which also faced the outside world & meant that my back was towards the rest of the restaurant). I didn't suspect anything la cuz his reasoning was that he wanted to camwhore with me with the Tappers sign at the back -____- Lynn went to the bathroom cuz she was feeling a little uncomfortable (tummy pain heh) & Shman then decided to do a vlog. Again, not suspicious cuz it's such a Shman thing to do lol. The weird part tho, was when Lynn came back from the toilet & Shman gave her this look & went, 'In how many minutes is Sehran arriving?' He emphasized the 'Sehran' like hell, so that was pelik >______> Afterwards Lynn explained, saying they actually had a cake for me & they were just waiting for Sehran to arrive. Okay la, I accepted that explanation- plausible whuuuuuut.
After a while, Shman's phone started vibrating so I picked it up la. It was an unsaved number, but I recognised it somehow, & since Sehran was supposed to be here, I thought it was Sehran's heh. Shman panicked & snatched the phone from me >______> Which I thought was pretty a-holing of him la at the time.
Shman was still vlogging about 10 minutes later, Lynn was back & we were just talking about some random stuff. Suddenly, this thing person grabbed/ backhugged me & I freaked a little la. All I could see was said person's arm, who was clearly a guy, and since said person was considerably fair, I shrieked 'KEONG AH?' after a short process of elimination - the only 2 Chinese guys in the Mafias are Leek & KFung. Leek was in Bristol, KFung in Singapore (bored in his room apparently >______> ). The few other people Lynn would invite would be Theeb & Keong. It definitely wasn't Theeb's shade of colour, so must be Keong la right? Nope. Lynn & Shman started laughing their asses off, I turned around & it was KFung omgggggggg T________T
I very nearly teared but thankfully(?) I went into my stunned state instead, so that was that. Immediately jumped up & hugged him to death, then scolded him for lying to me hahahah. The rest of the vlog was of me telling Shman to 'switch the thing off' & trying to hide face heh. It really was the best surprise ever. In Chinese, I'd say, mou dak deng.
Sehran came after a bit, having missed all of the excitement. Later on, I found out that
1. KFung actually sent the toll message to the wrong person, heh. He meant to send it to Lynn, but instead accidentally sent it to me. Lucky for him, 'toll' seemed like an appropriate typo for 'toilet', & it really wasn't weird for him to whatsapp me from the toilet >_____>
2. When Lynn said she was too busy working to teman me on Friday, she was actually picking up KFung.
3. Lynn purposely took the wrong turn because she was worried we would bump into Shman & KFung on the road.
4. They'd wanted to capture the moment, & Shman went, 'leave it to me.' Genius with his vlog idea gr.
5. KFung's 'I is so bored in my room' message was a huge lie.
6. The reason Lynn kept going to the bathroom (apart from the fact that she indeed have a tummy ache) was that KFung was hiding there. Apparently he nearly got kicked out cuz he was there for so long HAHAHA
7. The person who called Shman was actually KFung, not Sehran.
8. They were indeed planning a surprise for me :')
When we finally settled down enough, we had our lunch. Even deciding what to eat was difficult, the guys for some reason couldn't just order the same thing apparently. They all wanted Set 1, then someone insisted that since he was getting Set 1, another person had to order the last set, Set 15, & then the final person had to order the middle set. THE STUPIDITY. They were still going on about it even when the waiter was already taking the order -________-
Happy, happy, happy :D
After lunch, we wanted to hang about for a little more. The guys wanted coffee, & we decided to walk around Oasis in search of a cafe.
Walking also was a huge problem. Sehran especially kept complaining about how hot it was, and we'd only walked a VERY SHORT distance then. Then we finally spotted Pacific Coffee, but to get to the entrance, we had to cross a bridge. Small bridge only la actually, those ones only for decoration. Shman did his usual dramatic acts on the bridge & well, this random passer by gave him judging looks. Typical hahahah.
Went in and while the guys were deciding what to order, Lynn and I were discussing our cravings for waffles. Eventually, we scrapped the coffee idea and decided to head to Inside Scoop instead! :D Oh and when I say eventually, it took us ages to finally decide -_____- Walking back to the car, Sehran made even more noise about how we made him walk in the hot sun unnecessarily yada yada yada. #bising
The drive there was crazy omg. The guys were acting all insane, shrieking (not singing) songs, remixing them (eg: Somewhere Over The Rainbow), echoing each others words, playing with a stick they found in Lynn's car & trying to be the next KikiLala, & Sehran was using Lynn's monopod to comb our hair. Dying now just thinking about it HAHAHAHA :'D I have some of their antics on video, and it really doesn't get any better than that heh.
At Inside Scoop,
We fed each otherrrrrrrrrrrr
So much loveeeeeeee <3 p="">
Ps: Note the knife that Sehran's holding on Shman's neck hahahah
Camwhoreddddddd
Excuse me ;)
This picture tho omg HAHAHAH :D :D :D
Read more here as well!
Disclaimer: As I'm typing this, it's 1am & I'm feeling quite tired so my brain isn't functioning as well as it usually is. Which is why the details are hazy, and I feel like I'm just going to let the pictures do most of the talking.
After that, we headed back to Oasis to make more pictures!
We didn't have a tripod, so taking group pictures was tricky, but we managed! We improvised by using Lynn's monopod & a potted plant heh heh. I swear, we really do need a personal photographer. We'd use them so much, they'd get used to random calls in the middle of the day that go something like this: 'Oasis Ara Damansara', 'Jas' house', or 'MMZ'- & they'd understand that they'd have to be there right away hahahah. If only. Once again, as we were taking pictures, people all over stared. And judged. And judged. And judged. It's so normal to us now, we just don't care anymore hahahah
We want youuuuuuu. Not :P
Mafia shot! :D We all look the part, & then there's Lynn, who looks more like an angry mum heh heh :P
Jumpshots taken using Lynn's 5S' slow mo function. Most of the video was us complaining about how hot it was heh
Since it was so hot, we decided to sit on the grass instead, still under the hot sun! #yay #sarcasmintended
The heat finally got too much to bear, so we headed to Old Town White Coffee!
Oh Sehran was still coming up with alternative uses for the monopod, & so far he'd come up with: comb, back scratcher, golf club, and at Old Town, he came up with: big boob detector wth >_____> Dong la serious. He had to leave after a while, so I said what would be my last goodbye to him for the next 9 months :(
This picture depicts our friendship. I always kena buli :(
Shman, KFung, Lynn & I stayed a little while longer, just talking. Headed back home after that, & Lynn dropped KFung off at my house so we could hang out a little more.
Spent the next few hours just talking & lazing about, watching tv while my dad randomly burst in with questions and all.
Afterwards, we all went out for dinner and rushed home, where I took a quick shower and rushed off to Space U8 to watch Maze Runner with KFung :)
Movie was merely so-so, but the company made it so much better hahahah. He was trying to scare me throughout the movie & we kept making stupid jokes heh :P
Went back home after the movie, where we chitchatted for a little while more before he had to go.
All in all, it was an amazing dayyyyyyyy, one that I don't think I'll forget for quite a while :')
And nowwwww, I'm just gonna continue with the day after because, well.
Woke up early the next morning, KFung picked me up & we met up with Shman for mamak before sending him off. The car ride was a little more quiet than usual, probably because we were all feeling a little emotional I think? While waiting for KFung's departure time, we sat at the food court & just talked the time awayyyyy. Time flies when you really don't want it to, and before we knew it, it was 10 already.
It was a really, really emotional goodbye for me, to be really honest. If I could, I swear I would've hopped on the bus as well, or even better, dragged him back to Bukit Jelutong, put him in my suitcase, & bring him to UK with me. Unfortunately though, those options aren't possible & well, life goes on. Oh & one more thing, I hate those escalators, that point of no return. From today onwards, I shall entitle them the name, 'Escalators of Doom'. Boo them. They suck :(
After KFung left, this happened. I'm really too tired to blog more than I should, so I'm just gonna redirect you to Shman's blog, sorreh :S
Aaaaaaaaand that's all I guess! Before I end though, I just wanna write a few dedications to the few people that made one of the best days of my life possible.
Lynn & Shman,
I love you two to the moon & back. I hope you two know how grateful I am for both of you. I think you guys knew exactly what I wanted, & needed, & you gave me exactly that. I had an amazing, amazing day with amazing, amazing people. Lynn, we've been friends for so long omgggggg & Shman, you've stuck with me through everything. & even with that, you guys never fail to surprise me with things beyond my imagination. I am infinitely blessed to have the both of you in my life, love y'all to the max k. Know that.
Sehran,
I thought the weekend before last was the last time I was going to be seeing you, & we had such a great time. I remember you telling me that you were gonna be busy last weekend, & I was a bit disappointed because I really wanted to see you just once more at least. I don't know what 'negotiations' you were busy with, or if you were just joking about it (heh), but whatever it is, thank you so so so much for taking the time to come back once more. You have no idea how happy I was when Lynn told me you were coming down again, Lynn knew how much I'd want to see you, & she used that knowledge to get me to skip Streetfest >_____> Such a baichi. I had so much fun with your stupid jokes & typical annoyingness, laughing till my cheeks hurt hahahah. Once again just thank youuuuuuuuuuuuu for coming down. Love you loads Sehran Nagarajan- eventho you're super annoying and you piss me off at times.
KFung,
How do I even start? I desperately wanted to see you one more time before I left, and never in a million years would I have thought that I would actually get the chance to. When I turned and saw you standing there, I couldn't believe my eyes. That you were there. In the flesh. Standing right behind me. (Damn drama I know heh.) Dang it weh, I nearly cried. Thank you so so so so so so so so much omg- for coming back, I can only guess how mafan it must be; & for giving me the best surprise, ever. I'd honestly like to see anyone try to top that ;) It was such an amazing day spent with you, & eventhough I think we both feel we didn't do much, I enjoyed every second of it all :) Seeing you leave (again) was frigging heart-paining fml, but oh well. I hate that I'm gonna be so far away, what with everything that's going on, but I really do hope we'll be okay. Love you much :')
Finally done & it's already 2.13am. Heading to bed now, good night world!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)