this might be a really long depressing rambling post, so i suggest you don't read it. read at your own risk.

the one thing i really hate about my parents, is how much they're not satisfied with me, and everything i do. they don't appreciate the person that i am, and they only like certain parts and aspects of me. but as a parent, i think that you should accept your child as they are. i mean, if your child is horrible and mean and does EVIL things, you shouldn't just let him be. but if he/she is alright, and isn't BAD at all, why not just look at the more positive side? my parents mostly focus on my bad traits, and not on my good traits. what they never realise is, my good traits, when compared to my bad traits, THERE'S TONS MORE TO MY GOOD TRAITS THAN MY BAD TRAITS. they always dwell on the negative, and they almost NEVER see the positive. UGH.

when i was younger, i used to tell my parents about my friend's parents, like 'they don't do this' or 'they do that'. things that my parents do that i feel ain't right. and then they'll tell me that 'if you like them so much why not take them as your parents instead?' 

right now, my parents are NEVER SATISFIED with anything i do. my room is too messy, i don't help out enough at home, and i waste too much time, ETC. PLEASEEEE. my room is alright, it's just books strewn on the floor. i help out SO DAMMIT MUCH and it's not like you see. i barely have time to do my own stuff, like my homework. sometimes, i've gotta stay up till 12 to do just SOME of my HUGE LOAD of homeworks. and WASTE TIME? I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE TIME TO WATCH TV! what's more? they say this out in front of my relatives just do make me feel bad, and they compare me to other people. WELL, I'M SORRY I CAN'T REACH YOUR QUALIFICATIONS! can't you just accept me for who i am?! everyone else does! instead of comparing those stuff, why not compare other stuff like (i'm sorry to bring this up) my results and how much i try to study?! i'm sorry, but usually people they compare me to are the ones who spend their whole lifetimes sitting in front of the comp or the tv, and just abandon their studies. find someone who excels in everything, and i'll CHANGE. meanwhile, if you're not happy with me, why not just take that kid instead?!

oh and my dad, he ALWAYS simply blames and yells at me for stuff that I DIDN'T DO. when i try to explain, he says stuff like, 'shut up and don't give excuses' or 'DON'T ANSWER BACK'. this isn't answering back, it isn't even an excuse. it's called an EXPLANATION. and when he realises he's wrong, he doesn't make it right. he doesn't apologize or anything. he just acts as though nothing's happened.

we were at the pasar malam just now, and my dad was leaving. my mum and my grandma were still there, and my grandma was alone. my mum was nowhere to be seen. so i told him that i'd wait for my mum and grandma. he started yelling about me being stupid, and he told jason that he wanted to SLAP ME. i have no idea what i did wrong. i think that waiting wasn't a bad thing, it was a good thing. 

if anything i say or do offends you, FINE! i won't bother talking to you, then. i did it once, and i'll do it again. as long as you stay that way, i'm gonna continue not talking to you. it's not gonna hurt me, instead, i won't be the victim of you anymore.

god, what have i ever done to deserve this? :(

according to you

i'm stupid, i'm useless

i can't do anything right

IT'S NO WONDER I TURN TO MY FRIENDS FOR EVERYTHING.