A few days ago, KFung wasn't even sure of whether he would be going to Singapore this year. On Monday evening, he received his offer letter. And today, Thursday morning, he left.
It all happened too fast. Waaaaay too fast. I didn't really register what was happening until I stood in his living room at 6.15 today morning watching him pack and load his bags into his car. And even then I didn't feel too bad. I was still thinking 'Just Singapore whuuuut. Got Skype and FB and Whatsapp and all'. Also partly because his dad gave us corn to munch on. It's hard to feel sad when you're eating kays. And also because Lynn Shman and Leek were being their usual silly selves. So yeah the feel wasn't there.
Not even when we hugged him goodbye, or watched his dad's car leave, or even after that when we went for breakfast and all together. Nope. It only hit me when I was in the car, alone, on the way to Sarah's house. I was speeding on the highway, when all those feelings just .. ATTACKED. I felt like I just got hit by a ton of bricks, and I was feeling so deflated the rest of the way. Because I just realized.
I have no idea when I'm going to see him again.
Really, no idea.
Before he left I told him, 'see you soon!' but really, what is 'soon'? Hopefully next month, if he comes back before I leave, but who really knows?
Okay. I need to get a grip. Honestly the main root of the issue now isn't that others are leaving. It's that I'm leaving. To somewhere really far away. If the issue really was about people leaving, I would have been this upset as well when Sehran went to Pekan and Hari went to Kedah. But nope, I wasn't upset. Because we were still close. And they could come back almost anytime (sort of.) And when I really missed them I could just beg them to come back, and they would sometimes. But when I'm in UK, what do I do? Beg them to come over? Yeah right.
Dang weh.
I know there's still Skype and wtv else social network, but it's so .. impersonal. Shaun puts it best, so I'm just gonna quote Shaun heheh.
'Honestly, I hate Skyping with you. In terms of intimacy, it has less than zero quality. Talking to you on a computer screen will never ever surpass the act of ringing your doorbell and peeping through the slits of your wooden gate just to catch the first sight of you unlocking your door.'
Replace the last part of the last sentence with '... and seeing you. And being in your presence.' Yeah, that's it. What I'll miss is their presence.
Whether I like it or not, this has to happen. It IS happening, and I've got to learn to accept it, and enjoy the experience. Truth be told I'm excited as well. And worried. And nervous. Basically having loads of mixed feelings.
But well, as Leek said, 'That's life.'
Besides, it's not the end. :)
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